Training Day 19 of 71: A Practice Takes Practice

Today was one of those days that I really didn't feel like running the measly 3 miles on my training schedule. I was troubled by a minor ache in my inner knee and felt this could be a legitimate excuse to put off my jaunt around Beverly Hills Adjacent. That's what happens after a while. The newness wears off and it's just about getting up and doing it again. And that's why it's a practice. And supposedly that is when it starts to work on you.

A spiritual practice is essentially a tool to overcome the limitations of the mind. It is a structure that we create to stabilize ourselves, and discipline the constant mental noise that pushes us every which way if we allow it to reign. Whether we approach the practice with enthusiasm or begrudge it, it can still do its work. It can still provide the container for transformation. As long as we keep showing up.

Charlotte Joko Beck is a Zen teacher and author of Everyday Zen wherein she says, "Our practice is to die slowly, step by step, gradually disidentifying with wherever we're caught in. If we're caught anywhere we have not died. If we need approval, we haven't died. If we need power, if we need to have a certain position, if it's not okay with us to do the most menial job, we haven't died. If we need to be seen in a particular way, we haven't died. If we want to have things our way, we haven't died... As we identify ourselves with less and less, we can include more and more in our lives."

Perhaps this seems like a far cry from my measly 3 mile morning run, but I swear it's related. The point is to not listen to that little voice telling you all the reasons you can't or shouldn't. Disidentify with that controlling little slob of a whiner that always has a judgment or a reason not to engage in the present moment and not to follow through on your commitments to yourself. The point is to just do it. Not because you feel like it. Or because it'll give you something you want. Just because it's your practice. Let that be enough.

So I ran all the way up La Jolla to Melrose and it was, of course, quite nice. And then I went to Kate's Vinyasa Flow class at liberation (see the little treasures from the Liberation garden in photo above), and that too, was a very sound decision. Plus my knee doesn't hurt anymore. Onward.

Training Day 17 & 18 of 71: The Role of the Teacher

As I have been delving deeper into the role of the yoga teacher, I have found that I am entering an ever-expanding realm. Becoming a yoga teacher is not so much about perfecting your skills and then offering them in little bundles to the students. It is more like opening a door and seeing the whole universe on the other side. There is nothing that isn't yoga. And somehow through the lens of yoga, it all becomes especially vivid and tactile. Of course you cannot wrap your arms around the whole universe, but you can pluck one small part of it, examine and contemplate that part, and then offer it to the students. And through that examination, the entirety of the whole can be felt, and maybe even understood for a moment.

I think it is important for all of us to have teachers. Even if we often embody the role of the teacher, to be a student is invaluable. To be allowed to be vulnerable and to not know. To be allowed to ask questions. To not be the one responsible for boundaries. In her awesome book Insight Yoga Sarah Powers says, "Although we may need to abandon certain teachers and adopt others along our journey, our teachers will continue to act as our spiritual friends and mentors, helping us to deepen our capacity to listen to our own essential nature." This is the key - that the right teacher will continually reintroduce you to your own innate wisdom. Ultimately, they are always leading you back home to yourself.

What does this have to do with running? I don't know. I guess Danny Dreyer is sort of my running teacher since I'm following the teachings of his book. And I think that his book is all about reuniting with the inherent wisdom of your own body. Today I ran 5 miles, yesterday 3. Dreyer emphasizes 'Body Sensing' as a way to get in touch with what your body needs or when it is on the brink of injury. Just like a yoga teacher, he encourages the students to cultivate access to their own inner knowing. Because who could know you better than yourself?

That being said, I think I should hire a ChiRunning instructor to make sure my form is happening correctly and to not have to pretend to know anything I'm not quite sure about.

Training Day 16 of 71: The Next Level

The next level of distance went fairly well. 9 miles starting a mile inland in Santa Monica, then down the Santa Monica stairs to the beach where I ran 3.5 miles to where Sunset Blvd hits the Pacific Coast Highway. The beach looked like a postcard of sunny California perfection. I had assumed the bike path on the beach would go all the way to Sunset but it turned out that it ended about a half mile before then. So I wound up running in the sand next to the ocean for that last chunk. I thought this would be really difficult but it was actually fine. Maybe the exhilaration of being next to the crashing surf, smelling the gusts of salty air, and watching the surfers cruising in on the waves then paddling back out helped. It was fun.

The run back was pretty good. To deal with the longer distance this week I had to take my running gear to the next level as well, so I was wearing my totally awesome new orange water pack (see photo) and white visor which are both engineered to mold to the body in the most comfortable ways. I was really grateful for the water pack. I would say I remained strong until the last mile. After climbing the Santa Monica stairs and taking to the residential streets to get back to my car, things slowed way down. I guess I was just tired at that point. So I focused on relaxing my body as much as possible. Relaxing the calves and ankles and hip flexors, just leaning into gravity. Then I made it and it felt really good. And I felt really good for the rest of the day too.

I want to check back in with my original purpose for running this 'Yogic Marathon' for a moment, as defined in my first entry: "Last fall I couldn't help but wonder what running a marathon would do to my mind; what cracks it might create in my idea of myself and reality at large..." In Donna Farhi's beautiful book Bringing Yoga to Life she specifically addresses this question: "When we are in full command of our physical, mental, and emotional capacities and in complete possession of our self, we begin to live fearlessly and to open to new experiences, new possibilities, and new challenges. Then the energy that we may have previously squandered defending and fortifying a limited definition of self is mobilized to express our unique talents and abilities. These abilities can then be directed in such a way as to fulfill our personal destiny." Awesome.

I guess I just want to acknowledge that doing this training while also continuing my yoga practice has been giving me a real sense that I am living my destiny. Not that it is off there in the distant future and I'm trying to move toward it, but that it is fully happening every day. And it isn't about making a ton of money or being acknowledged by an elite group of peers in some professional realm. It is just about committing to something exciting that reflects my authentic values, and following through.

Training Days 14 & 15: Drishti in Action

These past two days I've kept my runs pretty flat in the surrounding neighborhoods because I haven't yet read the chapter on hills in the ChiRunning book and I want to know what that's all about before more hill training. Also, given the fact that I have the big 9 mile run scheduled for Saturday, I want to keep my muscles as fresh as possible. Yesterday I did 4 miles, today 3.

One of the things I've been working on over the past couple days is keeping one steady point of visual focus during my run. In yoga this is called drishti. In Jivamukti Yoga David Life and Sharon Gannon describe drishti as follows: "Specific gazing points--such as up, down, left, right, tip of the nose, navel, third eye, toes, fingers, or thumbs--are recommended for certain asanas. Actually these points are not directly looked at, but rather are gazed beyond and used as a sort of aiming mechanism... Gazing is a fascinating, helpful method for intensifying concentration... By maintaining the appropriate gazes during asana practice and breathing steadily, you will develop the ability to detach from your efforts and from the fluctuations of the mind and the body that occur as you practice." So using drishti during yoga asana allows the practitioner to find more perfect alignment, quell mental noise, and enter more deeply into the moving meditation.

Interestingly, Dreyer's ChiRunning philosophy uses a very similar concept called y'chi: "When your mind is used to direct the energy and movement of your body through your eyes, you're using what the Chinese call y'chi... it happens when everything is aligned: your body, your vision, your forward movement, your mind, and your heart... When you can maintain unbroken visual contact with an object or goal, it leaves little room for your mind to be doing any of its normal antics of following every thought that comes into your consciousness."

I have found that using a single point of focus during my runs energetically draws me forward. If the point is at least at eye-level, it keeps the spine long and heart lifted. Generally it helps the whole body stay aligned. Please see the above photo for one of my favorite gazing points. This is a straightaway in the La Cienega Park track. See the little white sign way down at the end? I swear it has energetic powers. When I am locked into my gazing point, much of the mind's yapping falls away. Reminds me of when I learned to ride horseback. Always gaze straight ahead between the horses ears--especially when jumping. Your forward visual intention will keep the horse moving, if you drop it you might get dumped.

Training Day 13 of 71: Back in the Saddle

Things are looking up today. I did a four mile run on the route I was supposed to do yesterday (minus the 3 laps around La Cienega Park). I was not entirely 100%, more like 75%. But I just took it easy and focused on my ChiRunning basic posture. According the the ChiRunning book, "When your posture is aligned, chi can flow up and down your spine and into your whole body." So today I made a point to maintain that perfect hips over ankles/shoulders over hips/crown rising straight up posture with a slight lean pulling me forward, as opposed to my legs having to push me. It worked quite well. There was surely an experience of less effort, which was nice given the leftover weariness from my cold.

Today I am subbing a 'Power Hour' class at Shakti Box and I hope to bring this idea of effortlessness into the yoga asana. It is interesting how in these physical/spiritual practices, it is ultimately not about using your muscles, but instead using gravity and alignment to float from one position to another. It is about riding the prana, or chi, not about pushing and pulling yourself. And it always comes down to the breath as the guide for when you are calm and present, or when you are forcing yourself and clenching in places. By riding your even, deep, full breath the movements naturally emerge from your center of power, and are tapped into your chi.

Training Day 12 of 71: Sick and Tired

Toward the end of last week I caught a cold. I thought that it wouldn't have much impact on my training, but decided to postpone my 5 mile Saturday run to Sunday, so that I'd be a little stronger. Sunday came and I really did not feel up for it, so I postponed it until today. Today I woke up feeling significantly better. Sore throat was practically nonexistent and the pressure in my ear canals had subsided, so despite major mucus production I decided to go for it.

It is very hot here in LA today. At least 80 degrees with bright sun. My route was to jog to the La Cienega Park for 3 laps around the track, then along Gregory Way until I hit Rodeo Drive, then turn around and jog home on Charleville. During this 3 day hiatus I've been reading ChiRunning by Danny Dreyer and for my run today I planned to try out the fundamentals of the ChiRunning technique. The jog started out okay. While trying to implement ChiRunning I noticed that I think I already do it to some extent - the posture is exactly the same as Tadasana in yoga and the general attitude of being relaxed and leading with the heart is what I've already been working on. Also the breath - which he calls 'belly breathing' is very similar to Ujjayi breath which I try to do throughout my yoga practice so that wasn't so different.

It was all going fine until I'd completed my 3 laps around the La Cienega track and was on the hot concrete trudging through Beverly Hills. Basically, I just felt so weak I couldn't really go on. I probably could have forced myself to go on, but that's not very yogic and doesn't align with the ChiRunning philosophy either. So after about 2 miles of jogging, I turned around and walked 2 miles home. My eyes burned and body was quite weak. I got home and ate an egg sandwich with avocado, then passed out for an hour. I am disappointed that I got a cold. I'm worried that I will not recover in time to get back on track with training for my 9 mile run this weekend. I miss how I felt when I wrote the last entry on prana. Oh well. Onward.

Training Day 10 & 11 of 71: Prana

These past two days of training have been quite lovely. Yesterday was another hill day. I had to run a total of 4 miles. So I ran up and down Runyon Canyon twice (see photo of the canyon). Today I just needed to do 3 miles so I jogged down residential streets in Beverly Hills and back. In the yoga department, last night I taught an Evening Flow class and today after running I went to Kate's Vinyasa Flow class at Liberation Yoga. The main experience that I've been having over these two days is an increased sensation of prana in my body.

Prana is a Sanskrit word translating to "vital life". In Hinduism it is "the universal life force, which is a vibrant psychophysical energy." The Yoga-Vasishtha describes prana as "the 'vibratory power' that underlies all manifestation" (Shambhala Encyclopedia of Yoga by Georg Feuerstein). Prana can be thought of simply as energy, but there is something more to it. It is this rise of inner power that feels somehow linked to spirit. As the prana within increases, there is an experience of being uplifted, even carried, by a force greater than oneself. Yoga asana is thought to increase prana by clearing the "nadis" which are the channels in the body through which subtle energies flow. Nadis can be compared to the energy meridians of Chinese medicine. Most people who take a yoga class experience a sort of uplifted sensation in their body, a feeling of having clearer, more awakened energy (this was true for my students last night who kept commenting on how good their bodies felt after class). This is because the yoga poses are designed to open up these channels of energy that tend to get blocked and stifled in daily life.

So anyway, as my running endurance has increased over the past couple weeks it feels that I've been cultivating a more constant experience of prana in my system. This vital life energy is almost always present in my core and heart and solar plexus. It makes my breath feel clearer and my limbs feel more awake, even, and aligned. It feels like I could jump to action at any moment. I guess it is mainly a strong sensation of health and aliveness. Which is awesome, but it can also be intimidating. It can sometimes be scary to feel so energized, it takes away excuses. If you are in a lethargic state and all your nadis are blocked and you have no zest for anything, you can go about doing little-to-nothing day in and day out. But if you feel awake and alive you are suddenly accountable to yourself on a new level. I think that's one reason we humans have a tendency to get drunk or get stoned or just get slobbish and let ourselves go... what would we do if all our potential was filled out? What if our life force was raging every moment of every day? What if there was nothing stopping us...?

Training Day 9 of 71: Speed Work

As a budding marathon runner I have been doing what I can to study the mechanics of running and have found that it is important to do some speed work, even if you never intend to run fast during the race - it helps build your endurance, strengthen your heart, and increase your lactic threshold, among other things. So for today's 3 mile run I decided to integrate some sprinting into my plod down Wilshire to the La Cienega Park.

Supposedly we all contain both 'fast twitch' and 'slow twitch' muscle fibers. The 'slow twitch' fibers use oxygen (and stored fat) to generate fuel for continuous, extended running. The 'fast twitch' fibers burn sugar (glycogen) to create fuel, and are dominant during short bursts of speed. Apparently by exercising your 'fast twitch' muscles you can increase your 'lactic threshold', which you want. The lactic threshold is the point past which the muscles aren't getting enough oxygen so glycogen is burned instead and large amounts of lactic acid and waste products get dumped into muscles faster than they can be metabolized. This can be a problem for marathoners because if you overdo it and cross your lactic threshold for too long, your muscles burn up all the glycogen (instead of using oxygen) and then run out of juice and you're in all sorts of pain and you've hit that infamous 'wall'. So anyway, I want to increase my lactic threshold so that I'm better prepared to run 26 miles by using mainly slow twitch muscles that will not burn me out. (PS. This is why marathon runners are often so thin - they are mainly in fat-burning mode.) (PSS. Bulky power muscles are more 'fast twitch' - like the body builder photographed above)

So today I did a little sprinting along the long straight of the La Cienega Park track. And it was pretty fun, especially getting caught in a refreshing downpour on the way home. And then I was so invigorated that I went to Kate's class at Liberation Yoga. Which was quite difficult. But felt very good because I love love love yoga!

Training Day 8 of 71: Matter Over Mind

This drizzly Saturday in Los Angeles marked the second 'long run' day of my training: 7 miles. Now, 7 miles might be a snap for regular runners but this morning while looking up possible routes online I couldn't help but feel quite overwhelmed by the task at hand. 7 miles? Am I really going to go run 7 miles right now? Why not just go to brunch and come home and watch a movie with Dylan? But there was all afternoon for movies and the rain had temporarily ceased so I picked a 7 mile loop that started at Wilshire and San Vicente, went north up Barrington, past Sunset, past the Getty Center, right up to Mount St. Mary's college, then down Bundy, through a residential section of Brentwood, and back onto San Vicente.

I must have gotten enough sleep last night because I felt quite strong as I took off through Brentwood, I felt strong as I crossed Sunset, and even stronger as the busy city boulevards gave way to quiet residential streets. As I jogged steadily uphill the screech of traffic shifted to the smell of wet grass and new flowers. As my breath deepened with the uphill effort the damp air felt so good in my lungs, all my anxieties about whether or not I could run 7 miles evaporated. There I was, doing it, whether or not my mind thought I could. Then it struck me that this running thing isn't at all mind over matter; it's not about your mind convincing your body that you can do it. It's just the opposite. Each time I go out there my body shows my mind what I'm capable of.

In the book Jivamukti Yoga by Western yoga gurus Sharon Gannon and David Life they say, "Usually people come to class with certain ideas about what they are capable of achieving. For example, they may feel that a handstand is something for kids... In some cases, this attitude prevents them from even attempting a challenging asana like handstand, or at least causes them to fail in their attempts. With regular practice over a long period of time, however, one day they find themselves in handstand. In this way, asana undermines the hold that our beliefs about our limitations have on us, and we gradually see that they are not necessarily true. When we find that the old dog can be taught new tricks, we feel reborn." This has been completely true for my own yoga practice (just yesterday I found myself in side crow for over 30 seconds - a pose I always assume I don't have the upper body strength or hip flexibility for), but it is also directly applicable to the running. By just going out and doing it, I have been discovering what I am capable of, despite my beliefs and ideas. Through the doing my mind is changed. And as silly as it may sound, yes, it does feel a bit like being reborn, because I am experiencing a whole new level of possibility in myself - beyond the walls the mind has built.

So now I am ascribing more to the idea of matter over mind than mind over matter. Perhaps this will change when I hit higher mileage and my body really does start to break down. We shall see. In the meantime, check out the photo of the 'chill berry' frozen yogurt I got from The Big Chill for the drive home - so delicious.

Training Day 7 of 71: Un-Aging

Today I did not not not feel like going running! The alarm went off at 6AM. I drank coffee sitting on my floral love seat, gazing out the window of my room into the dark barren parking lot beyond. One hour later dawn had dawned and I was downstairs in front of the TV watching a Tivo'd episode of What Not To Wear. It seemed really important. This 47 year old woman was dressing like a prepubescent child. I was really glad Stacey and Clinton helped her learn how to dress more maturely (but still retaining the color and spunk that reflected her youthful personality). So then 9AM rolls around and I decide the only possible way I can handle running my scheduled 3 miles is if I jog to my friend Clio's house (which is 1.5 miles away), take her 9:30 yoga class, and then run back home. So on go the sneakers.

Clio is an amazing blossoming yoga teacher. She's a fairly recent convert from a high-octane career in fashion and it always feels like you are at the best, most exclusive party when in her presence. So it makes sense that being in her yoga class would be even more fun - not only do you get to hang out with Clio, you also get to do yoga. (See Clio hanging with her Buddha above.) Four other ladies showed up and we all settled into Sukasana (a comfortable seated pose) on our mats. Then Clio said something really awesome.

She said how she is approaching a 'landmark birthday', and told us how this birthday is bringing up all the anxieties that come with aging - mainly that your life will one day end, and seems to be ending more rapidly as time goes on. As a child summer seemed endless, years moved so slowly, and now time flashes by in the blink of an eye. Pretty soon we'll all be dead. But she said that actually time DID move slower when we were younger. Because everything was new, we were constantly taking it all in, every detail. It was new information for our forming minds and therefore we were much more present with it. Now, as we continually live out the same cycles and habits, we move into autopilot. We don't need to learn from them, so we don't even necessarily notice what's happening around us. And so, yes, time flies by, because we aren't really fully experiencing our lives the way we did when we were young.

Oh sadness of sadness! To not experience one's life. To just let it pass without really noticing.

So Clio's antidote was to be more present. Experience each aspect of the yoga pose as if it were new. Live life with a child's eyes/ears/nose/touch. And I think that doing new things (for instance, running a marathon), recreates that freshness. It puts us back into the experience of learning and absorbing and really paying attention to what's happening around us. That way we don't die quite so fast.

Training Days 5 & 6 of 71: Desiring a Gnome Hut

There was quite a stark contrast between today and yesterday's runs. Both were 3 miles, but the scenery of each created very different experiences. Yesterday I ran from home up Fairfax Blvd which was busy with morning commuters, across the Ross Dress For Less parking lot, along the tall ugly wall of The Grove shopping center, and through Pan Pacific Park to Beverly and Gardner which was my turnaround point. It was my first time in Pan Pacific Park and I was not impressed. There was a small pack of crows pecking fertilizer out of the grass. There were numerous people wandering along the swooping asphalt walkways. Some seemed to be homeless, others using leaf-blowers (the stupidest invention ever) to clear the path, others on their regular morning jogs. One man was jogging with bare feet. I tried to take his photo but he was running so fast I couldn't catch up. I ran home down the concrete ally way pictured above. Happy that the dreary task was over.

Then today was a hill day so I decided on Laurel Canyon for its narrow streets and overgrown bohemian feel. First I drove my chosen loop to verify the mileage and found out that despite the very steep winding route that took me way up high to a panoramic view over LA, it was only 1.5 miles. So I decided I'd run it twice, switching directions for the second round. I parked the car at the bottom and hid the key in a mossy stone wall, then took to the hill. The ascent was quite difficult and even unnatural feeling to jog up. At times I had to run on the balls of my toes because it was just too steep to bother trying to land on my heel. But much stronger than the strain of exertion was the pleasure of my surroundings. The houses were so f-ing cute I couldn't stand it. They were these exorbitant little hillside gnome huts tucked into lush vegetation. There were trickling waterfalls surrounded by ferns and Chinese lanterns swinging softly from trees. There was a cool breeze flickering the leaves and there was an overall quietude permeating the air that is so unusual - and special - in the middle of a city. I want one I want one I want one!!! I kept thinking, silently shopping for the best real estate as I trudged along.

And so this brings me to the topic of desire. Patanjali's Yoga Sutra 1.15 reads "The consciousness of self-mastery in one who is free from craving or objects seen or heard about is non-attachment." According to Swami Satchidananda's description of this sutra, "Every desire brings its own color to the mind. The moment you color the mind, a ripple is formed, just as when a stone is thrown into a calm lake it creates waves in the water. When the mind is tossed by these desires one after the other, there won't be peace or rest in the mind." And I must admit it's true. Whenever the I want one! feeling arises in me, peace is ruffled and suddenly all that I am and all that I have is no longer good enough. Suddenly my life means nothing without my own enchanted little gnome hut.

But then as I was jogged along, I wasn't quite believing that I didn't already have what I wanted. It was as if the desire wasn't for something outside myself, it was just that I felt so good to be moving along under the shade of the softly swaying trees, inhaling the smell of fresh moss and seeing these charming little homes. What I desired more than anything was a continuation of what I was already experiencing. And it did continue. Once I made it back to the car I had to turn around and do it again in order to make my 3 miles. And even though I ultimately had to drive back to my own non-gnome-hut home surrounded by beeping trucks and tall office buildings, it didn't matter. It was all in me, and still is.

Training Day 4 of 71: Long Run and Inner Voices

On the airplane back from Sundance Saturday night I was reading an article in Runner's World magazine entitled "Mind Games" By Bruce Barcott about pro runner Kara Goucher who came in third at last year's NYC marathon (see her in photo to left). The article discusses her ongoing struggle with the negative self-talk in her head while she races. In order to help control this debilitating lack of self-confidence she began working with a sports psychologist, Dr. Darren Treasure, who has been rewiring her mental relationship to running for the past 2.5 years - with very positive results. As her confidence wanes during a race she repeats to herself "fighter, fighter, fighter" to get back on track. And basically the whole thing seems very yogic to me. Most specifically she is employing mantra to overcome mental blocks.

Mantra originally came out of the Vedic tradition of India. It is a sound, word, or group of words that are repeated, often in rhythm with the breath, in order to facilitate inner transformation. Mantra can be loosely compared to the contemporary idea of making affirmations. And as I was plugging along past the LA Country Club on Wilshire Boulevard yesterday during my first 'long run' of training, I wound up creating my own mantra in order to try to keep it together.

The beginning of the run was pretty smooth. Dylan had dropped me off next to the Veterans cemetery in Westwood. I was in an exceptionally terrible mood and had been since waking up, so the physical release of cruising down the long sloping hill was a welcome change. It seemed I could put all that enraged energy down into my legs and use it for fuel - instead of just letting it simmer in my mind. But then a couple miles later, after taking on the numerous rolling hills along Lindbrook Drive, I was getting worn out and my mind was starting to break down. I began to imagine an injury forming in my hip and felt my energy start to sink. So I thought of the two things I needed most to keep going - strength and ease. So that became my mantra. Inhale: "I am strength", Exhale: "I am ease", repeat, repeat, repeat. I felt the power of my core. I felt the length of my spine. I felt the lightness of my step. The injury I had imagined went away.

Interestingly, this spontaneous mantra almost exactly aligns with Patanjali's description of the two qualities needed in every asana (asana=yoga pose). Yoga Sutra 2.46 reads "Asana is a steady, comfortable posture", or in another translation "Asana must have the dual qualities of alertness and relaxation". It seems that during any physical practice our body needs this combination of both steadiness, alertness, or in my case, strength and comfort, relaxation, or in my case, ease in order to be successful. By repeating my mantra to myself during the final three miles of my run, I was able to continually cultivate these qualities that would keep me moving and keep my negative thoughts at bay. Week 1 down, 16 more to go.