A Yogic Marathon

Marathon Music Video

2010-06-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

Here's a link to the video my step-mother made of marathon day with a song by my father's band Mike & the Ravens.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0yvT3lwl18

Full Marathon Report

2010-06-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

So... it's done! Sunday May 30th I completed my first marathon in Burlington Vermont with a time of 4:42:45 which is an average pace of 10:79/mile and I didn't walk once. It's hard to know where to begin this post, as it is the culmination of everything. I guess I'll just give a play-by-play.

Arrived in Vermont on Saturday afternoon with my mother, sister, Dylan, and bro-in-law Jason. Saturday night we had a big homemade pasta meal that my step-mother Jan made at my Dad's house. It was delicious and we also had lemon pie and strawberry shortcake as made by my sister. I went to sleep fairly easily at 10:30pm, but awoke a couple time in excited anticipation. My dad woke me up at 5:30am and I had coffee and juice and a bit of oatmeal and drank a lot of water. My Dad, Dylan and I headed downtown to where the race starts where we met up with my mother. There were tons of people. It was nice and gray and overcast. I was quite excited. I guess the bigness of the event felt like it was supporting me - unlike the days in training I was out by myself trudging along endlessly through Beverly Hills or the Valley.

The wheelchair racers started first at 8am, then the runners started at 8:03. Between the relay, half marathon and marathon there were 3600 racers. eight hundred and some-odd of them were full marathoners. Of course they played U2 when the race began - ugh. I started pretty easy. I felt incredibly light though and allowed myself to speed up as long as it didn't feel like I was "efforting". We looped through downtown for 3 miles, then took off down a long stretch along the 'beltway'. I felt pretty good all along there. By then my sister, Jason and Jan had showed up and everyone was remarkably organized at finding good intervals to cheer for me. Those first 8 miles were nice and smooth and I managed to pass the 4:30 pace group (my goal was to stay between them and the 4:45 pace group).

Then back through downtown and on to a long loop in the other direction which swung back along the lake. I felt pretty good throughout that whole stretch. By the time we got back to downtown it was about mile 13 and I was at the bottom of 'Heatbreak Hill' which is a long steep grade with tons of spectators. They had these radical tiko drummers at the bottom which were hugely motivating. Plus my sister hopped in with me to run up the hill, which was fun because it gave me the opportunity to show off a little. I love hills. For some reason when I see a hill in front of me I get a surge of energy. That was a fun stretch and I heard plenty of "I love you!"s from the crowd. Then Leda (sis) peeled off at the top and I went on to a long loop back in the other direction. By this time I really needed to pee but there were shockingly few Port-o-Potties on the course. Then when I did see one there were several people waiting and I had absolutely no interest in waiting. I looked for bushes that would provide ample cover but there really weren't any that looked appropriate.

We looped through neighborhoods with folks sitting on their lawns banging pots and pans. I was feeling really demoralized by how I couldn't find a bathroom at this point and wondered if any of these people would let me use theirs, or at least their back lawn, but didn't dare ask. I saw my mom and Dylan at mile 17 and felt energized enough to leap by them. Then at about mile 18 I began to feel more fatigue. The 4:30 pace group passed me which bummed me out a little. Finally at 18.5 there was a park bathroom, I ran up to it and dove into a stall. There was one toilet with no stall and another racer was peeing in it shamelessly. That was pretty fun.

I ran back out of the bathroom and onto the course for the final turnaround then the long stretch back along the bike path to the waterfront finish line. Around mile 20 I started to feel quite uncomfortable. People always talk about "pain" when they are running and I was interested to see if I'd feel pain. But that is not the right word. It is more like discomfort, then strong discomfort, then intense discomfort. Definitely a slowing in the muscles. A strong desire to lie down in the grass at the side of the road. I was sick of water and the idea of water felt gross. I just wanted to lie down. That was it. My only desire.

At this point a lot of people were walking. Or walking then jogging then walking. Which was kind of annoying because they'd jog by me then suddenly be walking in front of me and I'd have to jog around them, then it would all happen again. My fuel belt was really bothering me as was the long-sleeve tied around my waist. They felt like a girdle. I just kept looking for the next mile marker. It wasn't very fun to think about the miles left, it was better to just say to myself that I just had to hang in there for 60 minutes and it would all be over. Somehow thinking about the minutes instead of miles was a bit easier.

Finally I came across my mom/Leda/Jason around mile 24 and I hurled my shirt and fuel belt at them. Leda and Jason joined me for about a half mile which was good because it took my mind off the running. Then they peeled off and left me to the last mile. Pretty soon I emerged into the crowds around the finish and that really invigorated me. Hearing them cheer and feeling my proximity to the finish energized my legs and lungs. I smoothed out my stride and cruised across the finish at 4:42:45. Then on to the food tent for orange slices. My dad found me in the crowd. It took me about 30 seconds to sit down on the ground my muscles were so stiff. I felt pretty good overall though. Everyone else joined and then I went to the beer tent and had a beer which was DELICIOUS. Much better than water. Who new Michelob was such a wonderful beer?

So it's done. It's nice that it's done. I feel freed up. And since I got back to LA Tuesday I've been offered 5 new yoga classes which will bring me up to 11 classes/week. Next weekend I go to Toronto for the next module of Yoga for Runners teacher training. I'm teaching 2 more Yoga for Runners classes this month as well.

In my first entry I wrote that I wanted to run this marathon because "I couldn't help but wonder what running a marathon would do to my mind; what cracks it might create in my idea of myself and reality at large". I really can't adequately articulate how hugely this process has effected me. I feel like I have expanded myself - not just into a marathon runner, but into a person without limitations. My actions have transcended my mind and have therefore planted this feeling of possibility in me that is limitless. But not in a boisterous blustery way - in a quiet, simple way - like that was the truth all along, I just didn't know it. My life has so much more texture than it did when I started. I feel like I've been living much more completely in the present. I feel like I've stopped waiting for my life to start, and stopped lusting after other peoples' lives. There is a strong feeling of self-confidence that has arisen in this process. And a deep feeling of gratitude that I get this brief existence on planet Earth. When I started this process I was scouring Craigslist for Assistant positions that I didn't want. Now I'm moving into a career as a full time yoga teacher. I have come to love running and I'm excited to try out another half marathon in coming months (no more marathons in my near future!). Out of curiosity I weighed myself yesterday and found that I've lost 5 pounds - a strangely inconsequential change given the giant mental shifts!

My father and step-mother are putting together a little video of me during the marathon which I will post in coming weeks. In the meantime, thank you for reading and thank you for supporting me throughout this process. I hope that you are out there taking on your version of a marathon - somehow committing to something you believe in not because someone else told you to or you feel an obligation, just because you want it for yourself.

Namaste!!!!!!

Training Days 62-66 of 71: Home Stretch

2010-05-21T14:42:00.000-07:00

I am about to move into my final week of training. This week has been quite mild. The longest I'm running is 8 miles on Sunday. Nice smooth 6 miles out to Hancock Park and back this morning. I have been increasing my yoga as the mileage decreases. Probably mostly just because I've missed going to a lot of classes during the busiest part of my training. Now I'm trying to get to one strong flow class a day. I think it'll really help me feel energized during the race.

Yesterday I made my official race shirt. See photo. Having a shirt that says "I love you" was part of my marathon running plan from the start. I guess it is a sort of yogic social experiment. Will strangers yell out "I love you!" to me while I'm running? If so, will I yell "I love you too!" back? How will that feel? Will my emotions be exacerbated because of the strenuous effort so that I start crying when people say "I love you"? Or maybe no one will say it? Too weird? We'll find out next Sunday.

Meanwhile, the rest of my life has been so lovely lately. Teaching more and more and the classes are growing. It has been such a gift and privilege to be teaching so many people yoga. I feel I should come home and just bow down with my forehead on the floor for hours on end. I'll also be teaching 2 more classes at Runnergy in Sherman Oaks in June, and I'll be returning to Toronto for the next module of my Yoga for Runners teacher training. Nothing more to report now. Breezy Friday afternoon in Beverly Hills Adjacent.

Training Days 58, 59, 60 & 61 of 71: Smooth Sailing

2010-05-17T14:10:00.000-07:00

The past week of running since the 24 has been quite good. Especially Friday when I did an 8 mile run out past Hancock Park and back. I've caught glimpses of the "runner's high" but nothing compared to that 8 miles. It felt completely effortless. It was as if some great power had entered my body and instead of running I was being taken for a run. My gait was so smooth, speeding up only made me feel more energized. Strangely, this came after Thursday night which was slightly debaucherous in the intoxication sense (friend Carrie and I had gone to the downtown Art Walk, had dinner and drinks and seen a fun country-style band, see her blog at http://missenscene.com/2010/05/15/dtla-art-walk-may-2010-wphotos/ if you want a photo tour). I thought I'd wake up hungover and unwilling to lace up my sneakers, but I was actually strangely drawn toward them. I don't know why I happened to be filled with so much spirit Friday morning, but I do see how such an experience with running can create a certain addiction.

Meanwhile, this morning I did 12 miles deeper than ever into Beverly Hills. I happened by the Greystone Mansion which was quite stunning (see old photo above). Now owned by the City of Beverly Hills, the mansion has a wild history including murder/suicide and many many films and TV shows shot there (not to mention Obama's fundraiser right before the election). Although the Beverly Hills homes I jog by are incredibly stunning, there is an especially creepy air around many. Those shows of wealth can feel kind of garish - especially with all the stories of crime and corruption within so many of them. Thankfully it was a cloudy morning with a very slight drizzle - a welcome change from the bright sun as I trudged past tall hedges and ornate iron gates.

I am less than 2 weeks from the marathon now. I have purchased tickets to get to Vermont. I am amping up the yoga now that my mileage is lessening. I need to make my shirt to wear during the marathon. I think I will write I love you! on it, so that people might yell "I love you!" when I run by. Could be interesting?

Training Days 54, 55, 56 & 57 of 71: Down Dog to the Rescue!

2010-05-10T14:38:00.000-07:00

So... Today was my final long run: 24 miles. Thankfully it was not nearly as miserable as 22 was last week. I planned the route so I would always be within five miles of home and broke it into three parts. Part 1 was a 9.5 mile loop through Beverly Hills, part 2 was the same loop in reverse, part 3 was a 5 mile down-and back into Hancock Park. I woke up at 4:45am and was on the road by 5:35. I absolutely love getting out before the sun rises. It feels like stolen time. The first 9.5 miles was relatively enjoyable. Then I zipped into my apartment to use the restroom and refill the water bottles (Dylan still sleeping), and back out for the second loop. This one was going okay for a couple miles, then as I plodded along through the flats of Beverly Hills my right knee/calf really started to glom up. It wasn't that it hurt, exactly, but just was kind of freezing in place. This made me quite unhappy. I could feel that I had the strength and endurance to do the run, but if my right lower leg continued on like this, I wasn't going to be able to keep going. So I took emergency measures.

Last week after the miserable 22 I decided to stop and stretch out my hamstrings every so often during my runs. If I had to stop and wait for a "Walk" sign, instead of jogging in place, I'd go into a deep forward fold - opening up the back of my knees which tend to get stuck in a bent position, limiting my range of motion. Today I did the same thing, but it wasn't quite enough. So I knelt down on the side of the street in Bev Hills and rubbed out my calf and achilles tendon. My calves have gotten quite tight and hard from all this running. I just kept kneading it out, then took a downward dog (Adho Mukha Svanasana), lifting one heel than the other, opening up the hamstrings. To my surprise, when I started jogging again most of the discomfort was gone. I stopped once more to really knead out the calf, but other than that, just a downward dog here and there was enough to keep my legs working for the full 24. Thank GOD for yoga! I really do not think I could have gotten this far in the training without my yoga recovery tactics. Now no more long runs left before the marathon. The longest will be just 12 miles.

One big thing I've noticed throughout my training is that where my route goes makes a big difference in how difficult I perceive it to be. It seems like one giant loop is generally more difficult than a couple smaller loops equalling the same distance. As I was trudging along today I was thinking about what an appropriate metaphor for life that is. When we think of the end result, the ultimate goal, we get overwhelmed by how far away it seems. But if we can break it down into several smaller goals, we somehow get there much faster and more easily. Those small bits of accomplishment keep us motivated.

Well, I'm really tired now. Went to Swerve after my run and taught a yoga class. Time to rest the legs before more yoga to teach tonight. Glory be. Thank God the 24 is done with. Home stretch.

Training Days 52 & 53 of 71: Running 22 Miles is Not Very Fun

2010-05-03T14:37:00.000-07:00

This morning I ran 22 miles. I'm using the word "ran" very liberally here. I think stumbled would actually be more accurate. I can honestly say that the entire run was unpleasant. I woke up at 5AM and made a cup of coffee in the dark. Got dressed in the usual neon lemon/lime outfit I wear for long runs. Got out the door by 5:45 and started out down Orange Street, then left on Crescent Heights. Usually the first mile or so is sort of crunchy, then I catch my first wind and start to really enjoy myself. But as I turned onto Hollywood Blvd about 2.5 miles later, I still felt icky. No particular reason, my body just didn't feel lithe and energetic the way it often does. As I trudged past my old apartment building I lived in when I was 20 I couldn't help but be haunted by the old emotions of fear and desire and desperation to be somebody in the world that used to dominate my days. And as I saw numerous couches rejected curbside with the cushions removed, I was plagued by agitation that people would come along and take the cushions and leave the couch - making it unusable to anyone else.

Pretty soon I'd made it to the "Walk of Fame" on Hollywood Blvd where all the stars are along the sidewalk. It was still very early and only a few people were milling by as opposed to the usual glut of tourists and aspiring actors dressed up as super-heros. Tried to entertain myself by reading the names of the stars... "Paula Abdul... Jeff Bridges... Cherlize Theron... Herbie Hancock... Stephen Spielberg... Bugs Bunny!" This really disturbed me. How are we supposed to take the stars seriously if they are going to put fictional characters on them? How can the actors/singers/directors who have been honored with immortality there on Hollywood Blvd ever believe it if there's a fictional name right beside them? Obviously getting a Hollywood Blvd star isn't like getting a Nobel Prize or anything but they could at least take it a bit more seriously than adding cartoon characters!

Then I turned up Highland which was really starting to get zippy with morning traffic. I forked onto Cahuenga which runs beside the freeway and crunched along on broken glass to the roar of the morning commuters. Let me tell you, Cahuenga Blvd=Big Mistake. The sidewalk ran out and there was practically no shoulder ant then a tall curb and a guard rail. I started to imagine my own death. Like if a garbage truck barreled by and a pebble spat up from it's tire and went straight into my eye socket and pierced my brain. That would be so lame. And all because I chose to run on Cahuenga. For a little while I had to teeter along on the curb lest I get flattened. Finally made it to where Barham crosses over the freeway. I snuck into a little parking lot there to relieve myself behind a dumpster (sorry for the explicit details, I just want you to understand the fullness of how unpleasant the whole thing was), then I swallowed a tri-berry gu and had some water. Then headed over the bridge onto a long incline up Barham Blvd toward Burbank.

As I made my way up the hill I started brainstorming the title for this blog. These were some of the ideas I came up with: "Running 22 Miles is Really Unpleasant", "Running 22 Miles Isn't Much Fun", "Running 22 Miles is Way Less Fun Than You Think"... and I'd only run about 8 miles so far. I crested the hill and passed by the ever-depressing Oakwood Apartments where college students in film programs around the country are housed during their senior internships in Hollywood. Just driving by there made me so sad for all the unfulfilled ambition out there. Not that I think ambition is healthy. But it still makes me sad when it isn't achieved.

I turned right onto Forest Lawn and ran on a big dusty shoulder the back of the WB lot and the Forest Lawn Cemetery for what seemed like centuries. Ran by their giant main mortuary place that looked like a Southern plantation mansion. Oy vey. Death. Funerals. The marketing of funerals. I wouldn't want a funeral there. I decided to take the sandy side of the road instead of running on the actual road. My knees were starting to feel stiff and I thought the sand might feel better. As I shuffled through the sand and pine needles I looked for used condoms. Seemed like the kind of thing someone might find there.

Finally I got to turn onto Zoo Drive which would take me around Griffith Park. Past the train museum. I imagined if I had a little boy he would like to hang out there. I thought about baby-sitting and how endlessly dreary it is to sit around and watch someone else's child for hours. Children often disappoint me. I expect them to be these enlightened beings - so why are they so demanding? Not many people on Zoo Drive. That was good. But I was still having an exceptionally unpleasant time. A guy drove by that had a cage strapped to his roof. Then I ran by him after he'd pulled over. He seemed to be trying to free some sort of animal he had trapped. That's nice. At least he didn't kill it. But I was creeped out so I didn't wait around to see what it was. Instead I went into the park area and refilled my water bottles with heavily chlorinated LA park water fountain water.

After a while I passed by the zoo. Giant stadium seating. Where are the animals? I don't care. I barely passed an old lady speed-walking with her arm in a cast. Then made it onto Griffith Park Drive. Who knew it would be so swooping?! So many uphills! There were some big construction vehicles and I thought about how when we were kids we used to play on those kind of things when construction workers had left for the day. Then I wondered why people are so bad. Why they hurt each other. I started thinking about Matthew Shepard and those awful boys who murdered him. I wondered if the parents of murderers regret ever having their child after knowing they've taken someone else's life. I thought about all the kids that are born that nobody cares about. What a bummer. I was just over halfway through my run at this point.

Eventually I turned onto Los Feliz Blvd and was greeted with a long sloping uphill. I knew from remembering the map that I would be on Los Feliz for a long time but I still hoped by some miracle it would suddenly be over. Not so. Trudge trudge trudge.

Finally left onto Western. At this point I felt like my knees were stuck at one particular angle and having to run downhill was especially uncomfortable. My knees didn't want to extend at all. I slumped into a Duane Reed to use the restroom and get a Gatorade. Damn. The only "G2" (low cal Gatorade) they had was red. I so wanted it to be yellow. Whatever. In the parking lot I dumped the rest of the LA park water and transfered the Gatorade into my fuel belt water bottles. When I got back on the sidewalk and tried to run it was less fun than ever. Then came the only kind of nice thing that happened in my whole run. A really tall guy who sounded like he was from Africa smiled at me and said "good job". It made me feel good for a couple seconds. Then I wondered if people cheering along the marathon course would make it less unpleasant.

I crossed the freeway and turned right onto Lexington. At this point it was very warm outside. Hot, high sun. Thick air. Lots of chain link and plastic Mother Mary's on Lexington. It took about ten years to get to Highland where I turned left. I stayed in the shadows of the buildings on Highland to try to keep cooler. I had planned to switch over to a residential street but I was worried it would be too sunny. So I took Highland all the way to 6th Street. Besides thinking about how unpleasant my run was, I also thought about my fave yoga teacher Kate Duyn Cariati - how she's starting a new class in a pink Hari Krishna church in Venice but it's during the time that I teach so I can't go. I guess I was just thinking about how I hope it's a success because her spirit makes me so happy and I want as many people as possible to get to experience her sparkle so they can feel happy too. She really brought the joy back into yoga for me when I lost it for a while last summer.

Right on W 4th. Almost home. About 2 miles. Left on Cochran. One mile. There was an orange cone way in the distance. Me and my sister have many ongoing jokes about construction cones. I just kept my eye on the cone. Keep moving toward the cone. Finally rounded the corner onto Fairfax, past the 99 cent store, and hit mile 22. Walked the last block and a half home. Took off my shoes. Got in the bath. Put on pajamas. Laid in bed. What an exceptionally unpleasant run.

Training Days 50 & 51 of 71: A Competitive Sport

2010-04-29T15:25:00.000-07:00

I am four and a half weeks from the marathon and this is my second to last week of hard training before the mileage ebbs off leading up to the race. Tuesday I ran 5 miles down through Hancock Park and back, today I ran 10 miles on a big loop through Beverly Hills and back. Both runs were fine. Tuesday I found myself experimenting with increasing my speed. For about a mile I leaned forward a lot more and sped up significantly. Today since I had to get back to teach a yoga class I tried to keep my foot on the gas and maintain a strong pace as well. Now that I feel more capable as a runner I am noticing a growing desire to enhance my performance that I think is unique to running.

One of the immediate distinctions that was made at the Yoga For Runners training between yoga and running is that running is a competitive sport, while yoga is (supposedly) completely noncompetitive. I can definitely feel this difference now that I am doing both activities for several hours a week. In my yoga practice I am fundamentally interested in exploring what's happening in the mind and body as I move through different poses. It feels more like a daily exploration. Any "progress" in my practice (being able to do difficult poses) is a happy surprise that I don't really strive for, I just experiment with.

Meanwhile, since I ran the half marathon (and placed 3rd in my age group, apparently they are mailing me a medal), I have become increasingly interested in being able to run faster and longer. I have yet to run my first marathon and I'm already looking up the qualifying time for my age group for the Boston Marathon (3:40). I guess for the first time in my life I feel like I could possibly become good at a sport - become good at running. I attribute this mostly to my yoga practice. I feel like I have a secret weapon since I spend so much time stretching and strengthening already. I have such deep reserves of strength and balance right now. This paired with what yoga has taught me about overcoming mental blocks makes me feel like it is entirely possible for me to run significantly faster for longer distances. Might take a lot more training, but it's possible.

As odd as it may sound, I do think all of this boils down to that inner stillness. When I connect with the feeling that I'm fundamentally okay, that I'm content in the present moment, that there's nothing to be afraid of... anything feels possible. It's just about finding out, over and over. Finding out if I can or can't. More often than not, I find out that I can.

Training Days 47, 48 & 49 of 71: Twenty Miles & Toronto

2010-04-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

My life has been a bit of a whirlwind over the past week. I crammed 5 and 9 mile runs in early last week. Then on Friday afternoon I was flying to Toronto for the Yoga For Runners Teacher Training so I had to squeeze in a 20 mile run that morning. Now that I'm back from Toronto and it's a sunny Monday morning in LA I can hardly believe it all worked out.

The 20 miles was good. I did a 10 mile loop twice that went from my apartment, through West Hollywood, up into Beverly Hills beyond the Beverly Hills Hotel, then down below Olympic to get back to my apartment. I ran in to use the bathroom, then went and did the loop in reverse. I would definitely say that the first round was more enjoyable, but the second was fine and I made it back with an hour and fifteen minutes to get ready for my flight.

The Teacher Training in Toronto was quite delightful. I had traveled the furthest to get there by far and I was met with a group of ten lovely Canadian yogi/runners on Saturday morning when I showed up at the funky Dovercourt House outside downtown Toronto (see photo of nearby mural above). Christine Feldstead, who created and taught the training, had a wealth of runner-specific yoga knowledge and set an atmosphere that was so welcoming I felt right at home. It was a real pleasure to be in a group that was so mixed (some were much more identified with running than yoga) and it was very illuminating to see the spectrum of perspectives. This Module focused mainly on the spine - how important it is to just MOVE THE SPINE in order to maintain bodily alignment and health. If you only sit at a desk/drive home/go running you are moving the spine very little, in fact you are mostly compressing it. The numerous twists, forward bends, and backbends in yoga keep the spine lubricated, long, and supple - counteracting those other activities that tend to degenerate spinal health. The more I learn about the spine the more I am in awe of it's extraordinarily intelligent design. How lucky we each are to have one!

Lindsay, a Toronto local from the teacher training was kind enough to zip me over to the airport last night with just enough time to catch my flight back to LA. Now comes the final push for my marathon training. This week 39 total miles (22 mile long run). Next week 44 total miles (24 mile long run). After that the mileage ebbs for three weeks until marathon time. Oh my goodness. So much laundry to do these days.

Training Day 46 of 71: Half Marathon Down

2010-04-19T12:14:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I ran in my first official half marathon and it was so much fun! Dylan and I had to get up at 5AM so we could get to the Lake Casitas Recreation Area to sign in at 7AM (it's about one and a half hours outside of LA). It was so beautiful there. We parked in this dewy field that reminded me of Vermont. The misty lake was still and the surrounding hills were all shades of green. The fresh crisp air was such a welcome change from the city. I got my bib and we hung out until the race was to start at 8AM. I wasn't nervous. Mostly I was just looking forward to a new, more naturey route to run on.

There were a couple hundred people racing. The beginning of the race was pretty casual, off we all went in a great big herd. Gradually the herd thinned out. I started pretty slow but as we moved into a long steady decline I let gravity pull me a little faster. Around this time I really started to enjoy my breath. I like using ujjayi breath while running - breathing deeply and evening through the nose with a slight (very slight while running!) constriction at the base of the throat. The abundance of foliage made the breath even more pleasurable. There was a lot of downhill until about mile 6 when we had to start making up for it with a great big swooping uphill that was over a mile long. At the mile 6 water station I grabbed a cup and slugged it down with an orange flavored gu. After a moment of feeling vomit rise in my throat, I breathed a little deeper and dug in. I really do love hills and as I saw numerous people had resorted to walking up the hill ahead of me, I was even more resolved to keep up a strong pace. I passed about ten people on that hill (thank you Utkatasana and Virabhadrasana 2 for the reserves of leg strength!), then we looped back through the starting area where Dylan gave me a high-five and I took off for the last four miles along a hilly dirt road beside the lake.

People were really breaking down along this last stretch. Most were walking up the numerous sharp inclines. Again, I checked in with myself and realized that I felt very strong and capable. I had assumed if others were walking, I would need to also. I assumed they were better trained and more fit. But it turned out that for those last four miles I only gathered more steam. I probably passed about 15 more people. I just kept setting my sights on the next person ahead of me and before I knew it, I'd be cruising by them. I really didn't want to pass someone right at the finish line because I think that's rude, so I made a point to get by as many people as I could before we came back into view of the finish. Then for the last mile I just totally hauled ass. It felt amazing. I leaned forward and stretched out my legs and flew in across the finish with a time of 2:15. This is an average of 10:38/mile. Perhaps not very fast for some, but I thought I'd probably be running 12 minute miles. So I was very, very pleased. I was also pleased that I didn't walk or stop once. It just didn't feel necessary.

After I was finished I got a lot of water and some orange slices and Dylan and I lounged in the sun waiting for his mom and aunt to come (I had told them it would take me a lot longer so unfortunately they missed the whole thing). Everyone there seemed to be in such good spirits. It had warmed up a lot and I couldn't think of anything wrong with anything about it. Just a bunch of people on a beautiful morning taking a long jog through lush trees and along a gorgeous lake. Then the ladies joined us, we lounged around a bit more (see photo at picnic table), and had a nice long lunch, then homemade ice cream in downtown Ojai.

So... aside from some stiffness today (which I'm sure a yoga class tonight will take care of), I'm feeling very happy for my first half-marathon experience and encouraged that the full marathon that's only 6 weeks away might actually be possible. It's nice to be alive.

Training Days 42, 43, 44 & 45 of 71: Half Marathon Here I Come!

2010-04-17T18:19:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I am set to run in the Ojai Half Marathon around Lake Casitas (see photo). It is about an hour and a half drive from my apartment. I am very excited for the opportunity to run in a race with OTHER PEOPLE nearby. My runs up until now have been completely solitary and I think it will be nice to all be doing it together - just like practicing yoga in a class full of people provides a whole different experience than practicing alone. I wonder if I will be able to 'ride' the energy of those around me? If I will try to run faster than usual so I don't feel like a wuss? If 13 miles will feel easy after the 18 miles last week?

One other reason I'm looking forward to the half marathon is that it is in Ojai, which is where Indian sage/philosopher Krishnamurti lived for much of his life. I'll put a quote of his here, so you can get an idea of him (although I believe he's appeared in my blog already):

"Fear exists so long as there is accumulation of the known, which creates the fear of losing. Therefore fear of the unknown is really fear of losing the accumulated known. Accumulation invariably means fear, which in turn means pain; and the moment I say 'I must not lose' there is fear. Though my intention in accumulating is to ward off pain, pain is inherent in the process of accumulation. The very things which I have create fear, which is pain." (The First and Last Freedom)

Krishnamurti's message revolved around dissolution of the separate sense of self that we are constantly trying to guard, protect, and enhance. He said that the main source of our suffering is identification with anything - country, race, gender, etc. He even went so far as to disband the religion that was forming after him because he said that identifying with him would also create further suffering for the followers. It represented the same human urge to separate into distinct identity groups - which is ultimately what perpetuates suffering.

Not sure how all this will effect the half marathon. Guess we'll see tomorrow.

Training Days 39, 40 & 41 of 71: Inner Stillness

2010-04-11T04:19:00.000-07:00

This past week of running has been pretty good. I ran 8 miles on Tuesday - a swift jog to Koreatown and back. 4 miles on the treadmill at Swerve on Wednesday. I'm really not a big fan of the treadmill. It's so tempting to just step off. For me it's better to actually run a certain distance and have to run back home. Then I ran the big 18 on Friday - from Miracle Mile, through Hollywood (including the Hollywood Forever cemetery where I encountered numerous peacocks on their morning strolls - see photo), up into Los Feliz and Silver Lake, then back through Hollywood to home. The night before the 18 my achilles tendons were feeling mushy and my bum was quite sore from the two yoga classes I'd taken the day before so I was a bit concerned, but it turned out just fine. My body seemed to have gotten itself together by morning and I had no problems during the run. The one main thing I was thinking about during the run was how maybe long distance running is so off-putting to people because of the sustained inner stillness it demands, much like yoga.

This past week I have been doing some grassroots marketing for the new yoga studio I'm teaching at called In Yoga Center. This basically means that I stand in front of Trader Joe's and say "can I interest you in a free class at a new yoga studio?" and then the person generally lets me know their feelings about yoga as they tell me whether they are interested or not. A LOT of people apparently don't like yoga because they say they don't have the patience for it. They get anxious during the long holds of certain poses. They'd rather do something that keeps their mind more occupied instead of having to deal with stilling the mind. Of course I understand their frustration. I too have experienced the impatience and agitation they refer to. I suppose the difference is that I've come to know how the practice of staying with the agitated mind during yoga asana actually deepens and expands one's capacity for inner peace and harmony in all kinds of situations. I no longer resent the long holds, instead I crave them.

In Chip Hartranft's translation of the Yoga Sutras, sutra 1.2 is "Yoga is to still the patterning of consciousness" and sutra 1.13 is "Practice is the sustained effort to rest in that stillness". According to the Sutras, through the regular practice of 'resting in stillness' we can burn through the 'chitta vrittis', which is the mind-stuff that we are constantly at the mercy of. By being with the agitated mind, by bearing witness to it instead of simply indulging in its impulse to zig-zag all over the place, we can begin to shift our state of being from identification with the mental noise to identifying with the presence beneath. Why do this at all? In my experience, because it allows you to be at peace with yourself. It calms the nervous system. It let's you enjoy (or at least accept) many situations that you might previously have railed against. It de-victimizes you.

The experience of being in hour three of a seemingly endless run is quite similar. Even though the scenery is gradually shifting as you move from one neighborhood to the next, there is little for the mind to "do", so not only is it a test of physical endurance and strength, it is also a challenge for the mind just learn how be there, along for the ride. And I do think it is cultivating another level of inner peace for me. Long distance running as a practice surely feels like a 'sustained effort to rest in that stillness'.

Training Day 38 of 71: 16 Miles and some Logistics

2010-04-03T14:54:00.000-07:00

This morning I ran 16 miles from Miracle Mile where I live to Silver Lake, around the Silver Lake Reservoir, and back home. I woke up to an alarm at 6:30AM, had a cup of coffee and hit the road by 7:30AM. As you will see in the photo I have acquired some awesome new runner gear this week. Usually I run in old yoga clothes but now have an official pair of Adidas runners shorts and this Nike long sleeve top with reflectors on it. If you look closely you'll see that my nail polish also goes well with this outfit. Although my feet feel very tired and do not want to be stood on at the moment, the run was quite wonderful. Getting the early start made a huge difference and it was such a pleasure to jog through the cool, quiet neighborhoods this Saturday morning. I've finally gotten into the "goo" and took a pit stop at a Korean recreation center to use the restroom, swallow a packet of goo, and drink a lot of water. Then as I rounded the reservoir I had some Luna gummy moons. Both the goo and gummy worms gave me a real boost. By about mile 14 my toes felt like water balloons that were about to pop, but overall my body felt good and capable and I couldn't stop thinking about how awesome it was to be running 16 miles. It felt like a big deal.

I want to check in with some logistics of the marathon training today, just based on questions that don't really get addressed in my other posts.

Progress: I moving into week 10 out of 18 of my training. So I'm over halfway there. I am up to running 30 miles over 4 training days per week (the distance will keep increasing).

Yoga: I am taking numerous yoga classes each week. Sometimes against my better judgment I take a hard yoga class after training because it's so fun and I can't resist. But it has been wonderful to not feel like I need yoga for exercise so I can experiment with all sorts of classes instead of gravitating to just vinyasa flow classes. My obsession with yoga has only grown and I often find myself daydreaming about yoga while running, which helps occupy my mind.

Body: I seem to have gotten thinner because my fuel belt is almost too big for me now, but I have not weighed myself since beginning training so I don't know if my weight has changed. I do seem to have slightly more muscle definition.

Appetite: I am very hungry often and enjoy eating immensely. I eat like a teenage boy - barely looking up from my plate during the whole meal. I'm loving a bit of red wine in the evening.

Career movement: As of this week, I am teaching six new yoga classes at two studios. Four classes at In Yoga Center (www.inyogacenter.com) and two classes at Swerve Studio (www.swervestudio.com). So happy about this. Also I'm going to Toronto in three weeks to do a Yoga For Runners teacher training and I'm very enthused about developing yoga programs for runners in the LA area.

Half marathon: I am planning on running in the Lake Casitas Half Marathon in Ojai on April 18th to help prep for the May 30th marathon in Vermont.

Mood: These have been some of the happiest weeks of my life. Running is changing my perspective on everything, especially taking me more deeply into my body and the environments I'm in. I've been much more appreciative of my physical form and much less critical of it on a superficial level. I feel like it really is a gift to get to live in this body and I have no inclination to criticize it.

That's all for today.

Training Days 35, 36 and 37 of 71: The Unexamined Life

2010-04-01T16:49:00.000-07:00

This week I ran 3 miles Tuesday, 7 miles yesterday and 4 miles today. The 7 mile run was most enjoyable. It was overcast and chilly and I had a lot of stuff to do so I ran much faster than usual, down Crescent Heights, West on Whitworth, over on Pico to the park below the Fox lot and down the road that leads into the recreation center, then back home. I was in awe that this body/mind that thought running 7 miles was such a huge feat just a few weeks ago could find it to be so easy now. It is quite amazing what the body can do! However, this week I have also been bothered by the awareness of how much we all take for granted what we can do and/or handle, without first exploring if it is actually good idea. Hence Socrates in the picture above.

"The unexamined life is not worth living" stated Socrates a long, long time ago. And although this is thought of mainly regarding inquiry into our human experience on a more philosophical level, I think it very directly applies to the physical realm. As my training has progressed, I have naturally found myself in conversations with numerous runners of both long and short distance. We talk about mileage, spandex rashes, stress fractures, shin splints, electrolyte replacing "goo"... all sorts of things. But I am often quite surprised to hear that very few people think about their running form at all. Neither do they necessarily acknowledge aches and pains that are developing and instead opt to push through them (often resulting in injury). I am kind of taken aback at how callously people treat their bodies, and then become angry or frustrated when the body doesn't perform the way the mind wants it to. We do this in so many areas of life. We are constantly coming up with ideas of how things should be without ever examining whether it's right or even possible - and without acknowledging the information that is right there in front of us.

I guess I have come to think of this body that I inhabit as a sort of information console that is constantly giving me feedback. Good feelings, strength, calm, comfort, ease, joy are all bits of information that this mechanism is on track, things are working. Meanwhile pain, anger, sadness, frustration, anxiety, desperation, exhaustion are all indicators that the choices I'm making are really not working for my mechanism. I think the freaky thing about us humans is that we think we should be able to convince ourselves not to have the reaction that we are naturally having. We run through the pain because we don't want it to exist. We caffeinate our exhaustion because we don't want to be tired. We ignore our sadness because we can't stand how it feels. Instead of examining these elements of our life as Socrates teaches, we find ways to medicate/ignore/avoid the feedback we are constantly receiving from our emotions and body. And it doesn't really work. There is always a breakdown that accompanies the choice to ignore what your body is trying to tell you. The mind never wins.

This society might not be structured in a way that makes it easy for us to honor all the feedback we get from our body and emotions. Often survival seems to depend on us pushing through very unnatural feeling circumstances. But I think this is all the more reason to examine that which we can examine. Explore the icky and uncomfortable things we want to numb out. Take them on and find out if there is another way that will take care of the mind and body, instead of just trying to force the body to adhere to the mind's idea of the best way to do it. I guess I just think we should really consciously take care of ourselves, no matter how inconvenient. Then, if Socrates is right, our life will be way more worth living.

ps. Yoga is really good if you want to practice "examining".

Training Day 34 of 71: Sukha and Duhkha

2010-03-29T15:46:00.000-07:00

Friday night when I was preparing the apartment to host book club I had an unfortunate accident. As Dylan helped me lug my love seat down the stairs, I lost grip and dropped a corner of it on my big toe. The sharp jab of pain took my breath and watered my eyes and I suddenly felt dehydrated. That always happens when I experience pain, I suddenly feel so thirsty. I put a bag of frozen peas on the toe and sat there for a while wondering how it would effect my training. I was supposed to run 14 miles the next day.

The following morning the toe was swollen and bruised. I was privately relieved that I had a good excuse not to go running because same as last week, I was sort of dreading it and afraid what it would do to me. Instead I went over to my friend Carrie's and we did some gentle yoga and ate sushi and painted our nails and did art projects and went to Venice for a crawfish boil party where people were getting tattoos in the garage and local bands were playing in the back yard. As I stood there swaying to the music I began to feel annoyed at my wimpiness. Did I think marathon running was going to be easy? No. That's why I wanted to do it. Because I knew it would be a challenge for my body and mind. Because I wanted to see if I could overcome that challenge. It may be hard and uncomfortable to do the actually running, but the feeling of pleasure and satisfaction that comes with it is so worth it. So I told my toe that it'd have to get it together for the next morning.

Sunday morning came and I was up to the challenge (see photo of toe taken Sunday morning). I planned a 4.5 mile loop right near my apartment that I would do 3 times (plus a few extra blocks) to add up to 14 miles. It was about 10:30AM when I got out there and the sun was no joke. But I did it. Around and around I went. Past people eating brunch and little shih-tzus on leashes. I bought a cup of lemonade from some kids on a corner and gulped it down, then felt it coming back up a couple miles later. I just thought, if I keep going, eventually this will be over and the discomfort I feel now will turn into satisfaction. And so it did.

I'd like to look at three different yoga sutras in terms of the experience of taking on the long run. In Chip Hartranft's translation sutra 2.6 reads, "The sense of 'I' ascribes selfhood to pure awareness by identifying it with the senses." Sutra 2.7 reads, "Attachment is a residue of pleasant experience." Sutra 2.8 reads, "Aversion is a residue of suffering." Sukha is pleasure, Duhkha is pain, and the point of these three sutras is to illuminate how the mind affirms its sense of identity through clinging to pleasurable experiences and avoiding painful ones. In Yogic philosophy both the attachment to sukha (pleasure) and the aversion of duhkha (pain) keep you bound to a limited and incomplete version of yourself. Instead of stepping back and welcoming all into the experience of our isness (for lack of a better word) we are constantly trying to edit our lives in the image of pleasure and in avoidance of pain. Which ultimately keeps us bound in this identity, or "ego" as it's often called. And as long as we are bound to the ego's idea of happiness, we cannot access the harmony and peace that exists beneath the ripples of daily life.

In Sri Swami Satchidananda's translation of the sutras he explains, "In this world, all experiences that come from outside through the world, through nature or material things, are ultimately painful. None can give everlasting happiness. They may give temporary pleasure, but they always end in pain. Even the enjoyment of our present pleasures is usually painful because we fear its loss." So basically, instead of plucking the pretty flower as we pass by, maybe just let it be. Instead of trying to recreate the perfect date, maybe simply let it slide into the past. Instead of trying to patch up our pain with pleasures, maybe just witness the whole operation. Because really, it's all just time passing. That's what I was thinking about on Sunday around mile 10. I was thinking, in an hour all this will be over. Whether I finish it or not. So I may as well finish it, because what else am I doing? You know?

Training Days 31, 32 & 33 of 71: Terrified Fearfulness

2010-03-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning I had to run 12 miles. I was feeling a little sniffly toward the end of last week and as Saturday loomed, I noticed mounting anxiety about the run. I was becoming obsessive about getting enough sleep, feeling that if I didn't I might not have the stamina to pull it off. Then of course I was awoken by the sound of leaf-blowers in the McDonalds parking lot across the wall from our building at 7am. I jumped out of bed and raced from one window to the next until I found the source of the noise, but I knew it would be futile to march around the block and let them know how enraged I was - and would likely make it impossible to get any more sleep. So I put a pillow on my head and got another fitful hour and a half. Then when I woke up for real, the fear was even worse.

I have felt anxiety in my training before, a kind of nagging concern that I will not be able to complete a run, but this was the first time that I felt genuinely terrified about the challenge ahead. I think the fact that I had unsuccessfully attempted the 12 mile run in NYC exacerbated this fear even more. By the time I had my shoes tied and was strapping on my fuel belt I was practically quivering. Not only was I afraid, I was becoming angry. Dylan tried to be lighthearted but instead of a pleasant "goodbye" I declared: "I'm really fucked up about doing this run right now but I don't want to talk about so I'm just going to go!" and Dylan said "Okay, go..." so I did.

Once I was out jogging I felt immediately better. I think the fact of taking action took the emphasis off the fear. No longer was I living in anticipation, I was instead just finding out what would happen. I had planned a route that took me up to the top of Mount Olympus, then East until I connected with Nichols Canyon where I would cut up to Mullholand Drive, then down Runyon Canyon and back home. I did not look at the elevation on the map and after a very steep slow jog to the top of Mount Olympus, I found myself going quickly downhill again.

This was a major bummer because I knew I'd have to get back up to the top of Runyon Canyon. So after a sad, fast descent, I started winding my way back up Nichols Canyon. The good thing was that there were a lot of fresh smelling bushes which invigorated me a little bit. Then when I finally was reaching the top I took a wrong turn and wound up jogging about a mile out of the way before I reached the top entrance of Runyon Canyon. Pretty much all of Hollywood was trudging up and down the dusty trails with pricey looking sunglasses and impractical fashion statements (such as warm winter hats in the blazing midday sun). Finally I made it down to the bottom and wobbled back home - motivated only by fantasies of the diluted orange juice that awaited my return. After a big glass full I got into the tub, elevated my legs against the tiles, and lay there like a dead dog.

Since Saturday's run I have been pondering that incredible experience of fear and how it relates to all else in life. The main thing that it makes me think is just that the only way we can conquer a fear is to face it head-on. The only way my fear of the 12 miles (which became 13 with my detour) could be transcended, was through just doing it. Great Indian philosopher Krishnamurti says in his book The First and Last Freedom, "To resist, to dominate, to do battle with a problem or to build a defense against it is only to create further conflict, whereas if we can understand fear, go into it fully step by step, explore the whole content of it, then fear will never return in any form." I like this quote about fear because it translates so literally to running: "go into it fully step by step" is precisely what I had to do Saturday. And once all those steps had been taken I was back home, 13 miles later, feeling amazingly accomplished (and exhausted).

Much of yoga asana practice is all about this as well. Each challenging pose is an opportunity to explore your fear. Not to just assume it's real, but to find out, through experience, whether it is a literal danger or just a figment of your imagination. And of course this relates completely to human interactions as well, but I think this post has gone on long enough.

Training Day 30 of 71: Treasure Hunt

2010-03-17T14:45:00.001-07:00

Woohoo! It's hot in the city! Today I woke up at the very early hour of 7:30 to attempt to run at a cooler time, but didn't make it out there until 9:30 and it was hot! Six miles round trip - up to Laurel Canyon, around some winding little streets, down past Chateau Marmont where the gardener was kind enough to spray me with the hose, then back home. Although the air was a little warmer than I'd prefer, I found so many treasures on my run that it was quite enjoyable.

First I found a low black bedside table with wheels on it right outside our apartment. So I halted the run to take it inside. Dylan was very pleased. Then when I was almost to Sunset I found the cutest little troll desk with a drawer. But it was too big to do anything with. So I just hoped it wouldn't be taken by the time I could drive back after my run. Then on the way home I came across a sweet little plant stand. It was pretty light so I tried to run carrying it, but that was terribly awkward so I wound up hiding it behind the wall outside an abandoned house and then came back for it in the car (see photo of plant stand and abandoned house above). Unfortunately the troll table was gone. But two out of three is pretty good.

All this treasure hunting while running made me ponder what about yoga is like treasure hunting? Then I thought of one of my favorite sutras, 1.41: "Just as the naturally pure crystal assumes shapes and colors of objects placed near it, so the Yogi's mind, with its totally weakened modifications, becomes clear and balanced and attains the state devoid of differentiation between knower, knowable and knowledge. This culmination of meditation is samadhi." Basically, the fully realized Yogi no longer perceives him/herself as separate from anything else. No longer does the Yogi think of him/herself as an individual that is distinct from the occurrences or objects around. Instead they perceive them self as a one with the continuum of phenomena that make up the images and stories of life. This is considered "meditation" because in yoga meditation is the experience of merging the individual self with the exterior world and ultimately realizing that there is no such thing as a separate self.

Sarah Powers touches on this idea of transcending the individual self in her book Insight Yoga, "The Buddha suggested that we contemplate how nothing in the manifest universe exists in isolation as an independent identity. He described reality as a confluence of interdependent coarisings, empty of permanence. This lack of an independent self-nature is called selflessness". In yogic philosophy, if you can transcend your concept of yourself as separate from the rest of the world, you can attain samadhi: "A state in which the aspirant is one with the object of his meditation, the supreme spirit pervading the universe, where there is a feeling of unutterable joy and peace" (Light on Yoga by B.K.S. Iyengar).

Phew! Those are a lot of ideas to cram into this one blog post. But somehow the treasures on my run made me think of the crystal from sutra 1.41 - the image of the mind becoming like a naturally pure crystal that assumes the shapes and colors of that which is placed near it. Perhaps tomorrow during my run I will consider the possibility that I can assume the shape, color, and feel of the trees I pass by, the concrete beneath me, the humans I encounter, and the warm breeze that surrounds. And through that merging with the seemingly external environment perhaps access unutterable joy and peace? Maybe? Just a little?

Training Days 25, 26, 27, 28 & 29 of 71: Rest

2010-03-16T11:14:00.000-07:00

I returned from New York Sunday night after a long 10 days of slogging around the city. It was very good to see friends and family but it was also so exhausting. Even if my knee were feeling good, I don't know if I would have been able to continue my training there. Between the late night glasses of wine, long subway rides, and early morning construction I barely had the energy to keep up with my social engagements. I didn't even take one yoga class the whole time I was there. And throughout days 25, 26, 27, and 28 of training my running shoes were left untouched in an old plastic Gap bag in a corner of the closet.

The good news is that my knee is completely healed and this morning when I took off down Orange Street in the bright sunshine for my scheduled three miles I was fully invigorated. I didn't even bother tempering my speed. It felt so good to be running that I went as fast as I wanted, which was much faster than my usual plod. So many things have happened over the last week that it is hard to choose which topic to write about, but I think the one pulling at me most is just this idea of allowing yourself to stop.

Life as most of us live it is so very tiring. In order to keep striving toward our goals, the goals that will make our life "better" or more "secure", we drive ourselves forward with little room for rest. We feel that we must make each moment more productive than the last. We must check more and more things off the to-do list. However, this hyper-productivity is actually quite taxing on the body and ultimately undermines the end goal. A balanced yoga practice includes both energetic/heat-building/strengthening asanas and also relaxing/releasing/restful poses. If you do not include restful practices, the body cannot recuperate and instead of getting stronger and stronger, it starts to break down. Quite often this is when injury happens. Then of course, if you continue to push through the injury, it only gets worse and can even become chronic.

So I guess my main thought here is that we must take the time in our daily lives to consciously rest from the constant activity. We must discipline ourselves to slow down just as we discipline ourselves to do our work. We have to create the space to just be. By doing so we allow our internal organs and immune system to function better, we allow our muscles to heal and become stronger, we allow our minds to stop clinging and really experience the world around us. We become more compassionate and understanding. And we become more efficient when we do return to the work of life. I don't think that stopping and resting is a luxury, I think it is a necessity. I don't think it is an ideal, I think it is each of our responsibility to ourselves and to the world at large. If we cannot find balance and equilibrium within, how can we ever expect it to come to be on this rapidly changing planet?

Hyper-productivity has become an epidemic in our culture. I hope for you and for myself to find a little space to breathe in coming days - some time to get absolutely nothing done. I'm grateful to my knee for giving my whole body a good excuse to rest. It made getting back out there so much more enjoyable this bright sunny morning.

Training Day 24 of 71: Breakdown

2010-03-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

I am now writing from Lincoln Center in New York City. I am here to visit my family and friends for 10 days and I was looking forward to some springtime Manhattan training. However, things are really not going as planned.

About a week and a half ago something funky happened to my left knee. I'm not sure what. It didn't seem to occur during yoga or during a training run. I actually think it happened when I was experimenting with some ChiRunning warm-up exercises that are based on T'ai Chi. I have a feeling that I swung the knee in a direction it was not meant to go, and the result has been a sort of dull ache. I thought this dull ache would subside, but when it hadn't by Friday (which was my scheduled 12 mile run), I decided to push the run to this Monday to give the knee ample time to rest. This meant no heavy yoga and no running for a total of four days.

So today I put on my leggings and my sneaks and my fuel belt and visor and made my way to 66th and Central Park West, then began trotting south. The idea was to run the perimeter of the park once, and then run the inner perimeter on Central Park Drive. I jogged by tourists and people in suits on their lunch breaks. Jogged by the horses that pull the Handsome Cabs. Jogged by construction workers and hot dog stand guys. As I was jogging along I was definitely feeling the ache in the inner knee. I was thinking that if I just made myself run evenly, instead of with the slight limp that was emerging, I would be able to transcend the ache. But then I saw other people running by and they did not seem to be trying to avoid a limp. They seemed to be quite free in their stride. Rule #1 with knees in yoga is If it feels weird or uncomfortable, stop doing it. In the land of yoga the knees are considered too fragile to mess around with and a lot of the reason that teachers instruct to flex the foot in different positions is to protect the fragile knee joint. So I made it to Central Park East and 64th Street and decided to call it quits.

I walked back through the park, past the petting zoo, past the skating rink, past various boulders with small groups lounging on them, past a couple saxophone players. As I walked I felt sad and disappointed. I really wanted to be writing this blog about having just run 12 miles. I really didn't want to fall off my training schedule. But that doesn't change the state of the knee. In yoga we try to accept and work with what is REALLY going on, not what we wish were happening. So, I accept. I will not run again until the knee is no longer bothering me. I hope this is very soon.

Training Days 22 & 23: Future Pain

2010-03-03T11:06:00.000-08:00

These past couple days of training have been pretty good. Yesterday I jogged 5 miles through the mansion-y part of Beverly Hills where I had the opportunity to enjoy lots of fresh oxygen from the lush gardens around various gated homes. Then I biked to Kate's Flow class at Liberation, then later went to Luminous Tuesdays class at Shakti Box with Trinity. So, lots of physical activity yesterday. Today was just a simple 3 miles up and back on La Jolla. The main issue over these 2 days is a feeling of fear and dread that something might go wrong.

I seem to be sleeping in later and later each day so my jogs usually happen around 9 or 10AM. By this time the day is well underway and the sun is bright. However, since it's winter in LA, it is still cool enough to jog at this time. But as I was running along today I kept thinking "what if it wasn't cool enough? What if it was blazing hot? What if it was so hot I could barely breathe and was exhausted? What if I keep getting up later and later and suddenly I make it so I can't train anymore?" After a couple blocks of this ceaseless inner agitation, I realized that none of it was real. I was projecting myself into an imagined future when I imagined that the conditions would not be ideal for jogging. All of it was in my head. None of it was real. The fact was that today I woke up when I woke up and I jogged when I jogged and it was sunny and cool and perfectly fine.

So this made me ponder Yoga Sutra 2.16 (which came up in a yoga class Monday): "Future suffering can and should be avoided" or in another translation, "Pain that has not yet come is avoidable". Not only is pain that hasn't yet come avoidable - it's not even REAL. It doesn't exist. The real pain is the nagging fearful idea that that pain will one day come and it will be painful. Dude. Why do we humans do this to ourselves? Why do we think that by anticipating problems and living them out in our mind we are somehow safeguarding against them? Why can't we just make the best choices we can make given the information that we have and trust that when those future moments become the present, we will do what we can and we will do our best and only THEN will we deal with pain, if there is pain. But we will not create pain in the meantime based on mind-made ideas about potential pain. You know?

Training Days 20 & 21: Au Naturale

2010-03-01T14:09:00.000-08:00

So many awesome yogic/runnery things have happened over the weekend. Saturday I ran 10 miles. Starting at my apartment, up Crescent Heights, past 3rd, Beverly, Melrose, and Sunset. Right on Hollywood Blvd, left up along the hiker paths to the top where Runyon Canyon hits Mullholand Drive, then turned down Nichols Canyon and wound down the hill again beside a babbling bumbling brook and these pretty little cottages with flowering trees. Then on the last couple miles I was getting quite tired. My limbs were feeling heavy. It was starting to drizzle. All I could think about was how good a hot bath would feel on my aching joints and muscles. Probably more amazing than a hot bath had ever felt before.

Finally through sheets of rain I made it back to my apartment where I did some forward bends and various other yoga stretches in the bathtub and curled up in bed for 3 hours. This run was the first time where I wondered if I'm really able to run this marathon. That was 10 miles. We're talking about 26. But then, I did have a couple glasses of wine the night before. Probably not the best idea. After my 3 hours in fetal position I went to my friend Carrie's and she took the above photo of me on my way into headstand (sirsasana) on her roof.

Then today I needed to run 3 miles and I was feeling really sluggish and not confident about my form so I plodded on down to the La Cienega Park and plodded around the track a few times. Someone was jogging right behind me and her change (or keys?) were jingling in the most annoying way so I had to change directions. Overall I was just feeling really down on myself so I decided to take my shoes off. In the ChiRunning technique they recommend running a bit with bare feet. Apparently your body naturally finds perfect ChiRunning alignment with no cushy shoes to cushion your feet so it's a good exercise to try.

So I asked a little older guy and his big football linebacker type trainer if they could keep an eye on my shoes and I took a lap in bare feet and get this - it was AMAZING! The soft dirt felt absolutely delicious under my feet and I knew exactly how to run. I landed perfectly evenly on each foot. It made me think about the arch of the foot and how in yoga we are supposed to balance ourself perfectly above the dome of the foot, not down through a bone in the heel or the balls of the toes. We are supposed to use the perfect suspension of the arch to hold us up. I was so enthused that I took an extra lap and then came back to put on my shoes.

At this point the football player trainer guy began to frown at me because he has extensive education and experience in sports and training and he thinks running barefoot is bad for the joints. "But have you heard about ChiRunning?" I asked. To which he started laughing. "What're you talking about?" he said "I'm a yoga teacher, I'm into this stuff" I said, and told him that barefoot running helps train the body to land correctly on the foot. To which he told me he has tight hips (when you say you're a yoga teacher people always tell you where they are tight). So we wound up down on the ground doing pigeon pose (eka pada rajakapotanasana) to open his hips. He (obviously) didn't have a yoga blanket so we used one of his medicine balls to support the hip of the front leg. I helped him get his back leg extended, tent his fingers, and lift his heart through his upper arms. He totally understood all the direction and had beautiful alignment, which we were both excited about. He loved the eka pada rajakapotanasana prep! Then we did baddha konasana and matsyandrasana (he felt this got into his glutious minimus really well). So so so fun. I love seeing new people find yoga. I ran home with much more spring in my heart.

Training Day 19 of 71: A Practice Takes Practice

2010-02-25T18:31:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days that I really didn't feel like running the measly 3 miles on my training schedule. I was troubled by a minor ache in my inner knee and felt this could be a legitimate excuse to put off my jaunt around Beverly Hills Adjacent. That's what happens after a while. The newness wears off and it's just about getting up and doing it again. And that's why it's a practice. And supposedly that is when it starts to work on you.

A spiritual practice is essentially a tool to overcome the limitations of the mind. It is a structure that we create to stabilize ourselves, and discipline the constant mental noise that pushes us every which way if we allow it to reign. Whether we approach the practice with enthusiasm or begrudge it, it can still do its work. It can still provide the container for transformation. As long as we keep showing up.

Charlotte Joko Beck is a Zen teacher and author of Everyday Zen wherein she says, "Our practice is to die slowly, step by step, gradually disidentifying with wherever we're caught in. If we're caught anywhere we have not died. If we need approval, we haven't died. If we need power, if we need to have a certain position, if it's not okay with us to do the most menial job, we haven't died. If we need to be seen in a particular way, we haven't died. If we want to have things our way, we haven't died... As we identify ourselves with less and less, we can include more and more in our lives."

Perhaps this seems like a far cry from my measly 3 mile morning run, but I swear it's related. The point is to not listen to that little voice telling you all the reasons you can't or shouldn't. Disidentify with that controlling little slob of a whiner that always has a judgment or a reason not to engage in the present moment and not to follow through on your commitments to yourself. The point is to just do it. Not because you feel like it. Or because it'll give you something you want. Just because it's your practice. Let that be enough.

So I ran all the way up La Jolla to Melrose and it was, of course, quite nice. And then I went to Kate's Vinyasa Flow class at liberation (see the little treasures from the Liberation garden in photo above), and that too, was a very sound decision. Plus my knee doesn't hurt anymore. Onward.

Training Day 17 & 18 of 71: The Role of the Teacher

2010-02-24T13:09:00.000-08:00

As I have been delving deeper into the role of the yoga teacher, I have found that I am entering an ever-expanding realm. Becoming a yoga teacher is not so much about perfecting your skills and then offering them in little bundles to the students. It is more like opening a door and seeing the whole universe on the other side. There is nothing that isn't yoga. And somehow through the lens of yoga, it all becomes especially vivid and tactile. Of course you cannot wrap your arms around the whole universe, but you can pluck one small part of it, examine and contemplate that part, and then offer it to the students. And through that examination, the entirety of the whole can be felt, and maybe even understood for a moment.

I think it is important for all of us to have teachers. Even if we often embody the role of the teacher, to be a student is invaluable. To be allowed to be vulnerable and to not know. To be allowed to ask questions. To not be the one responsible for boundaries. In her awesome book Insight Yoga Sarah Powers says, "Although we may need to abandon certain teachers and adopt others along our journey, our teachers will continue to act as our spiritual friends and mentors, helping us to deepen our capacity to listen to our own essential nature." This is the key - that the right teacher will continually reintroduce you to your own innate wisdom. Ultimately, they are always leading you back home to yourself.

What does this have to do with running? I don't know. I guess Danny Dreyer is sort of my running teacher since I'm following the teachings of his book. And I think that his book is all about reuniting with the inherent wisdom of your own body. Today I ran 5 miles, yesterday 3. Dreyer emphasizes 'Body Sensing' as a way to get in touch with what your body needs or when it is on the brink of injury. Just like a yoga teacher, he encourages the students to cultivate access to their own inner knowing. Because who could know you better than yourself?

That being said, I think I should hire a ChiRunning instructor to make sure my form is happening correctly and to not have to pretend to know anything I'm not quite sure about.

Training Day 16 of 71: The Next Level

2010-02-21T08:34:00.000-08:00

The next level of distance went fairly well. 9 miles starting a mile inland in Santa Monica, then down the Santa Monica stairs to the beach where I ran 3.5 miles to where Sunset Blvd hits the Pacific Coast Highway. The beach looked like a postcard of sunny California perfection. I had assumed the bike path on the beach would go all the way to Sunset but it turned out that it ended about a half mile before then. So I wound up running in the sand next to the ocean for that last chunk. I thought this would be really difficult but it was actually fine. Maybe the exhilaration of being next to the crashing surf, smelling the gusts of salty air, and watching the surfers cruising in on the waves then paddling back out helped. It was fun.

The run back was pretty good. To deal with the longer distance this week I had to take my running gear to the next level as well, so I was wearing my totally awesome new orange water pack (see photo) and white visor which are both engineered to mold to the body in the most comfortable ways. I was really grateful for the water pack. I would say I remained strong until the last mile. After climbing the Santa Monica stairs and taking to the residential streets to get back to my car, things slowed way down. I guess I was just tired at that point. So I focused on relaxing my body as much as possible. Relaxing the calves and ankles and hip flexors, just leaning into gravity. Then I made it and it felt really good. And I felt really good for the rest of the day too.

I want to check back in with my original purpose for running this 'Yogic Marathon' for a moment, as defined in my first entry: "Last fall I couldn't help but wonder what running a marathon would do to my mind; what cracks it might create in my idea of myself and reality at large..." In Donna Farhi's beautiful book Bringing Yoga to Life she specifically addresses this question: "When we are in full command of our physical, mental, and emotional capacities and in complete possession of our self, we begin to live fearlessly and to open to new experiences, new possibilities, and new challenges. Then the energy that we may have previously squandered defending and fortifying a limited definition of self is mobilized to express our unique talents and abilities. These abilities can then be directed in such a way as to fulfill our personal destiny." Awesome.

I guess I just want to acknowledge that doing this training while also continuing my yoga practice has been giving me a real sense that I am living my destiny. Not that it is off there in the distant future and I'm trying to move toward it, but that it is fully happening every day. And it isn't about making a ton of money or being acknowledged by an elite group of peers in some professional realm. It is just about committing to something exciting that reflects my authentic values, and following through.

Training Days 14 & 15: Drishti in Action

2010-02-18T12:06:00.000-08:00

These past two days I've kept my runs pretty flat in the surrounding neighborhoods because I haven't yet read the chapter on hills in the ChiRunning book and I want to know what that's all about before more hill training. Also, given the fact that I have the big 9 mile run scheduled for Saturday, I want to keep my muscles as fresh as possible. Yesterday I did 4 miles, today 3.

One of the things I've been working on over the past couple days is keeping one steady point of visual focus during my run. In yoga this is called drishti. In Jivamukti Yoga David Life and Sharon Gannon describe drishti as follows: "Specific gazing points--such as up, down, left, right, tip of the nose, navel, third eye, toes, fingers, or thumbs--are recommended for certain asanas. Actually these points are not directly looked at, but rather are gazed beyond and used as a sort of aiming mechanism... Gazing is a fascinating, helpful method for intensifying concentration... By maintaining the appropriate gazes during asana practice and breathing steadily, you will develop the ability to detach from your efforts and from the fluctuations of the mind and the body that occur as you practice." So using drishti during yoga asana allows the practitioner to find more perfect alignment, quell mental noise, and enter more deeply into the moving meditation.

Interestingly, Dreyer's ChiRunning philosophy uses a very similar concept called y'chi: "When your mind is used to direct the energy and movement of your body through your eyes, you're using what the Chinese call y'chi... it happens when everything is aligned: your body, your vision, your forward movement, your mind, and your heart... When you can maintain unbroken visual contact with an object or goal, it leaves little room for your mind to be doing any of its normal antics of following every thought that comes into your consciousness."

I have found that using a single point of focus during my runs energetically draws me forward. If the point is at least at eye-level, it keeps the spine long and heart lifted. Generally it helps the whole body stay aligned. Please see the above photo for one of my favorite gazing points. This is a straightaway in the La Cienega Park track. See the little white sign way down at the end? I swear it has energetic powers. When I am locked into my gazing point, much of the mind's yapping falls away. Reminds me of when I learned to ride horseback. Always gaze straight ahead between the horses ears--especially when jumping. Your forward visual intention will keep the horse moving, if you drop it you might get dumped.

Training Day 13 of 71: Back in the Saddle

2010-02-16T11:37:00.000-08:00

Things are looking up today. I did a four mile run on the route I was supposed to do yesterday (minus the 3 laps around La Cienega Park). I was not entirely 100%, more like 75%. But I just took it easy and focused on my ChiRunning basic posture. According the the ChiRunning book, "When your posture is aligned, chi can flow up and down your spine and into your whole body." So today I made a point to maintain that perfect hips over ankles/shoulders over hips/crown rising straight up posture with a slight lean pulling me forward, as opposed to my legs having to push me. It worked quite well. There was surely an experience of less effort, which was nice given the leftover weariness from my cold.

Today I am subbing a 'Power Hour' class at Shakti Box and I hope to bring this idea of effortlessness into the yoga asana. It is interesting how in these physical/spiritual practices, it is ultimately not about using your muscles, but instead using gravity and alignment to float from one position to another. It is about riding the prana, or chi, not about pushing and pulling yourself. And it always comes down to the breath as the guide for when you are calm and present, or when you are forcing yourself and clenching in places. By riding your even, deep, full breath the movements naturally emerge from your center of power, and are tapped into your chi.

Training Day 12 of 71: Sick and Tired

2010-02-15T14:11:00.000-08:00

Toward the end of last week I caught a cold. I thought that it wouldn't have much impact on my training, but decided to postpone my 5 mile Saturday run to Sunday, so that I'd be a little stronger. Sunday came and I really did not feel up for it, so I postponed it until today. Today I woke up feeling significantly better. Sore throat was practically nonexistent and the pressure in my ear canals had subsided, so despite major mucus production I decided to go for it.

It is very hot here in LA today. At least 80 degrees with bright sun. My route was to jog to the La Cienega Park for 3 laps around the track, then along Gregory Way until I hit Rodeo Drive, then turn around and jog home on Charleville. During this 3 day hiatus I've been reading ChiRunning by Danny Dreyer and for my run today I planned to try out the fundamentals of the ChiRunning technique. The jog started out okay. While trying to implement ChiRunning I noticed that I think I already do it to some extent - the posture is exactly the same as Tadasana in yoga and the general attitude of being relaxed and leading with the heart is what I've already been working on. Also the breath - which he calls 'belly breathing' is very similar to Ujjayi breath which I try to do throughout my yoga practice so that wasn't so different.

It was all going fine until I'd completed my 3 laps around the La Cienega track and was on the hot concrete trudging through Beverly Hills. Basically, I just felt so weak I couldn't really go on. I probably could have forced myself to go on, but that's not very yogic and doesn't align with the ChiRunning philosophy either. So after about 2 miles of jogging, I turned around and walked 2 miles home. My eyes burned and body was quite weak. I got home and ate an egg sandwich with avocado, then passed out for an hour. I am disappointed that I got a cold. I'm worried that I will not recover in time to get back on track with training for my 9 mile run this weekend. I miss how I felt when I wrote the last entry on prana. Oh well. Onward.

Training Day 10 & 11 of 71: Prana

2010-02-11T16:03:00.000-08:00

These past two days of training have been quite lovely. Yesterday was another hill day. I had to run a total of 4 miles. So I ran up and down Runyon Canyon twice (see photo of the canyon). Today I just needed to do 3 miles so I jogged down residential streets in Beverly Hills and back. In the yoga department, last night I taught an Evening Flow class and today after running I went to Kate's Vinyasa Flow class at Liberation Yoga. The main experience that I've been having over these two days is an increased sensation of prana in my body.

Prana is a Sanskrit word translating to "vital life". In Hinduism it is "the universal life force, which is a vibrant psychophysical energy." The Yoga-Vasishtha describes prana as "the 'vibratory power' that underlies all manifestation" (Shambhala Encyclopedia of Yoga by Georg Feuerstein). Prana can be thought of simply as energy, but there is something more to it. It is this rise of inner power that feels somehow linked to spirit. As the prana within increases, there is an experience of being uplifted, even carried, by a force greater than oneself. Yoga asana is thought to increase prana by clearing the "nadis" which are the channels in the body through which subtle energies flow. Nadis can be compared to the energy meridians of Chinese medicine. Most people who take a yoga class experience a sort of uplifted sensation in their body, a feeling of having clearer, more awakened energy (this was true for my students last night who kept commenting on how good their bodies felt after class). This is because the yoga poses are designed to open up these channels of energy that tend to get blocked and stifled in daily life.

So anyway, as my running endurance has increased over the past couple weeks it feels that I've been cultivating a more constant experience of prana in my system. This vital life energy is almost always present in my core and heart and solar plexus. It makes my breath feel clearer and my limbs feel more awake, even, and aligned. It feels like I could jump to action at any moment. I guess it is mainly a strong sensation of health and aliveness. Which is awesome, but it can also be intimidating. It can sometimes be scary to feel so energized, it takes away excuses. If you are in a lethargic state and all your nadis are blocked and you have no zest for anything, you can go about doing little-to-nothing day in and day out. But if you feel awake and alive you are suddenly accountable to yourself on a new level. I think that's one reason we humans have a tendency to get drunk or get stoned or just get slobbish and let ourselves go... what would we do if all our potential was filled out? What if our life force was raging every moment of every day? What if there was nothing stopping us...?

Training Day 9 of 71: Speed Work

2010-02-09T17:45:00.000-08:00

As a budding marathon runner I have been doing what I can to study the mechanics of running and have found that it is important to do some speed work, even if you never intend to run fast during the race - it helps build your endurance, strengthen your heart, and increase your lactic threshold, among other things. So for today's 3 mile run I decided to integrate some sprinting into my plod down Wilshire to the La Cienega Park.

Supposedly we all contain both 'fast twitch' and 'slow twitch' muscle fibers. The 'slow twitch' fibers use oxygen (and stored fat) to generate fuel for continuous, extended running. The 'fast twitch' fibers burn sugar (glycogen) to create fuel, and are dominant during short bursts of speed. Apparently by exercising your 'fast twitch' muscles you can increase your 'lactic threshold', which you want. The lactic threshold is the point past which the muscles aren't getting enough oxygen so glycogen is burned instead and large amounts of lactic acid and waste products get dumped into muscles faster than they can be metabolized. This can be a problem for marathoners because if you overdo it and cross your lactic threshold for too long, your muscles burn up all the glycogen (instead of using oxygen) and then run out of juice and you're in all sorts of pain and you've hit that infamous 'wall'. So anyway, I want to increase my lactic threshold so that I'm better prepared to run 26 miles by using mainly slow twitch muscles that will not burn me out. (PS. This is why marathon runners are often so thin - they are mainly in fat-burning mode.) (PSS. Bulky power muscles are more 'fast twitch' - like the body builder photographed above)

So today I did a little sprinting along the long straight of the La Cienega Park track. And it was pretty fun, especially getting caught in a refreshing downpour on the way home. And then I was so invigorated that I went to Kate's class at Liberation Yoga. Which was quite difficult. But felt very good because I love love love yoga!

Training Day 8 of 71: Matter Over Mind

2010-02-06T14:53:00.000-08:00

This drizzly Saturday in Los Angeles marked the second 'long run' day of my training: 7 miles. Now, 7 miles might be a snap for regular runners but this morning while looking up possible routes online I couldn't help but feel quite overwhelmed by the task at hand. 7 miles? Am I really going to go run 7 miles right now? Why not just go to brunch and come home and watch a movie with Dylan? But there was all afternoon for movies and the rain had temporarily ceased so I picked a 7 mile loop that started at Wilshire and San Vicente, went north up Barrington, past Sunset, past the Getty Center, right up to Mount St. Mary's college, then down Bundy, through a residential section of Brentwood, and back onto San Vicente.

I must have gotten enough sleep last night because I felt quite strong as I took off through Brentwood, I felt strong as I crossed Sunset, and even stronger as the busy city boulevards gave way to quiet residential streets. As I jogged steadily uphill the screech of traffic shifted to the smell of wet grass and new flowers. As my breath deepened with the uphill effort the damp air felt so good in my lungs, all my anxieties about whether or not I could run 7 miles evaporated. There I was, doing it, whether or not my mind thought I could. Then it struck me that this running thing isn't at all mind over matter; it's not about your mind convincing your body that you can do it. It's just the opposite. Each time I go out there my body shows my mind what I'm capable of.

In the book Jivamukti Yoga by Western yoga gurus Sharon Gannon and David Life they say, "Usually people come to class with certain ideas about what they are capable of achieving. For example, they may feel that a handstand is something for kids... In some cases, this attitude prevents them from even attempting a challenging asana like handstand, or at least causes them to fail in their attempts. With regular practice over a long period of time, however, one day they find themselves in handstand. In this way, asana undermines the hold that our beliefs about our limitations have on us, and we gradually see that they are not necessarily true. When we find that the old dog can be taught new tricks, we feel reborn." This has been completely true for my own yoga practice (just yesterday I found myself in side crow for over 30 seconds - a pose I always assume I don't have the upper body strength or hip flexibility for), but it is also directly applicable to the running. By just going out and doing it, I have been discovering what I am capable of, despite my beliefs and ideas. Through the doing my mind is changed. And as silly as it may sound, yes, it does feel a bit like being reborn, because I am experiencing a whole new level of possibility in myself - beyond the walls the mind has built.

So now I am ascribing more to the idea of matter over mind than mind over matter. Perhaps this will change when I hit higher mileage and my body really does start to break down. We shall see. In the meantime, check out the photo of the 'chill berry' frozen yogurt I got from The Big Chill for the drive home - so delicious.

Training Day 7 of 71: Un-Aging

2010-02-04T13:05:00.001-08:00

Today I did not not not feel like going running! The alarm went off at 6AM. I drank coffee sitting on my floral love seat, gazing out the window of my room into the dark barren parking lot beyond. One hour later dawn had dawned and I was downstairs in front of the TV watching a Tivo'd episode of What Not To Wear. It seemed really important. This 47 year old woman was dressing like a prepubescent child. I was really glad Stacey and Clinton helped her learn how to dress more maturely (but still retaining the color and spunk that reflected her youthful personality). So then 9AM rolls around and I decide the only possible way I can handle running my scheduled 3 miles is if I jog to my friend Clio's house (which is 1.5 miles away), take her 9:30 yoga class, and then run back home. So on go the sneakers.

Clio is an amazing blossoming yoga teacher. She's a fairly recent convert from a high-octane career in fashion and it always feels like you are at the best, most exclusive party when in her presence. So it makes sense that being in her yoga class would be even more fun - not only do you get to hang out with Clio, you also get to do yoga. (See Clio hanging with her Buddha above.) Four other ladies showed up and we all settled into Sukasana (a comfortable seated pose) on our mats. Then Clio said something really awesome.

She said how she is approaching a 'landmark birthday', and told us how this birthday is bringing up all the anxieties that come with aging - mainly that your life will one day end, and seems to be ending more rapidly as time goes on. As a child summer seemed endless, years moved so slowly, and now time flashes by in the blink of an eye. Pretty soon we'll all be dead. But she said that actually time DID move slower when we were younger. Because everything was new, we were constantly taking it all in, every detail. It was new information for our forming minds and therefore we were much more present with it. Now, as we continually live out the same cycles and habits, we move into autopilot. We don't need to learn from them, so we don't even necessarily notice what's happening around us. And so, yes, time flies by, because we aren't really fully experiencing our lives the way we did when we were young.

Oh sadness of sadness! To not experience one's life. To just let it pass without really noticing.

So Clio's antidote was to be more present. Experience each aspect of the yoga pose as if it were new. Live life with a child's eyes/ears/nose/touch. And I think that doing new things (for instance, running a marathon), recreates that freshness. It puts us back into the experience of learning and absorbing and really paying attention to what's happening around us. That way we don't die quite so fast.

Training Days 5 & 6 of 71: Desiring a Gnome Hut

2010-02-03T13:05:00.000-08:00

There was quite a stark contrast between today and yesterday's runs. Both were 3 miles, but the scenery of each created very different experiences. Yesterday I ran from home up Fairfax Blvd which was busy with morning commuters, across the Ross Dress For Less parking lot, along the tall ugly wall of The Grove shopping center, and through Pan Pacific Park to Beverly and Gardner which was my turnaround point. It was my first time in Pan Pacific Park and I was not impressed. There was a small pack of crows pecking fertilizer out of the grass. There were numerous people wandering along the swooping asphalt walkways. Some seemed to be homeless, others using leaf-blowers (the stupidest invention ever) to clear the path, others on their regular morning jogs. One man was jogging with bare feet. I tried to take his photo but he was running so fast I couldn't catch up. I ran home down the concrete ally way pictured above. Happy that the dreary task was over.

Then today was a hill day so I decided on Laurel Canyon for its narrow streets and overgrown bohemian feel. First I drove my chosen loop to verify the mileage and found out that despite the very steep winding route that took me way up high to a panoramic view over LA, it was only 1.5 miles. So I decided I'd run it twice, switching directions for the second round. I parked the car at the bottom and hid the key in a mossy stone wall, then took to the hill. The ascent was quite difficult and even unnatural feeling to jog up. At times I had to run on the balls of my toes because it was just too steep to bother trying to land on my heel. But much stronger than the strain of exertion was the pleasure of my surroundings. The houses were so f-ing cute I couldn't stand it. They were these exorbitant little hillside gnome huts tucked into lush vegetation. There were trickling waterfalls surrounded by ferns and Chinese lanterns swinging softly from trees. There was a cool breeze flickering the leaves and there was an overall quietude permeating the air that is so unusual - and special - in the middle of a city. I want one I want one I want one!!! I kept thinking, silently shopping for the best real estate as I trudged along.

And so this brings me to the topic of desire. Patanjali's Yoga Sutra 1.15 reads "The consciousness of self-mastery in one who is free from craving or objects seen or heard about is non-attachment." According to Swami Satchidananda's description of this sutra, "Every desire brings its own color to the mind. The moment you color the mind, a ripple is formed, just as when a stone is thrown into a calm lake it creates waves in the water. When the mind is tossed by these desires one after the other, there won't be peace or rest in the mind." And I must admit it's true. Whenever the I want one! feeling arises in me, peace is ruffled and suddenly all that I am and all that I have is no longer good enough. Suddenly my life means nothing without my own enchanted little gnome hut.

But then as I was jogged along, I wasn't quite believing that I didn't already have what I wanted. It was as if the desire wasn't for something outside myself, it was just that I felt so good to be moving along under the shade of the softly swaying trees, inhaling the smell of fresh moss and seeing these charming little homes. What I desired more than anything was a continuation of what I was already experiencing. And it did continue. Once I made it back to the car I had to turn around and do it again in order to make my 3 miles. And even though I ultimately had to drive back to my own non-gnome-hut home surrounded by beeping trucks and tall office buildings, it didn't matter. It was all in me, and still is.

Training Day 4 of 71: Long Run and Inner Voices

2010-02-01T06:40:00.000-08:00

On the airplane back from Sundance Saturday night I was reading an article in Runner's World magazine entitled "Mind Games" By Bruce Barcott about pro runner Kara Goucher who came in third at last year's NYC marathon (see her in photo to left). The article discusses her ongoing struggle with the negative self-talk in her head while she races. In order to help control this debilitating lack of self-confidence she began working with a sports psychologist, Dr. Darren Treasure, who has been rewiring her mental relationship to running for the past 2.5 years - with very positive results. As her confidence wanes during a race she repeats to herself "fighter, fighter, fighter" to get back on track. And basically the whole thing seems very yogic to me. Most specifically she is employing mantra to overcome mental blocks.

Mantra originally came out of the Vedic tradition of India. It is a sound, word, or group of words that are repeated, often in rhythm with the breath, in order to facilitate inner transformation. Mantra can be loosely compared to the contemporary idea of making affirmations. And as I was plugging along past the LA Country Club on Wilshire Boulevard yesterday during my first 'long run' of training, I wound up creating my own mantra in order to try to keep it together.

The beginning of the run was pretty smooth. Dylan had dropped me off next to the Veterans cemetery in Westwood. I was in an exceptionally terrible mood and had been since waking up, so the physical release of cruising down the long sloping hill was a welcome change. It seemed I could put all that enraged energy down into my legs and use it for fuel - instead of just letting it simmer in my mind. But then a couple miles later, after taking on the numerous rolling hills along Lindbrook Drive, I was getting worn out and my mind was starting to break down. I began to imagine an injury forming in my hip and felt my energy start to sink. So I thought of the two things I needed most to keep going - strength and ease. So that became my mantra. Inhale: "I am strength", Exhale: "I am ease", repeat, repeat, repeat. I felt the power of my core. I felt the length of my spine. I felt the lightness of my step. The injury I had imagined went away.

Interestingly, this spontaneous mantra almost exactly aligns with Patanjali's description of the two qualities needed in every asana (asana=yoga pose). Yoga Sutra 2.46 reads "Asana is a steady, comfortable posture", or in another translation "Asana must have the dual qualities of alertness and relaxation". It seems that during any physical practice our body needs this combination of both steadiness, alertness, or in my case, strength and comfort, relaxation, or in my case, ease in order to be successful. By repeating my mantra to myself during the final three miles of my run, I was able to continually cultivate these qualities that would keep me moving and keep my negative thoughts at bay. Week 1 down, 16 more to go.

Training Day 3 of 71: Cultivate the Opposite

2010-01-28T09:01:00.000-08:00

Today for my three mile run I jogged down residential streets in Beverly Hills. (See photo of silver fire hydrant - is there anywhere else in the world where they feel the need to paint their fire hydrants silver?) As I was jogging along a feeling of contentment steadily rose from within, and I recalled a concept that came up in yesterday's yoga class.

Yesterday in class my teacher Kate opened with Patanjali's Yoga Sutra 2:33 which is: "When disturbed by negative thoughts, opposite [positive] ones should be thought of". Or in another translation: "Unwholesome thoughts can be neutralized by cultivating wholesome ones". This idea of cultivating opposite thoughts is called Pratipaksa Bhavanam.

The concept of Pratipaksa Bhavanam arose often during my yoga teacher training and I always found it rather annoying. It reminds me of the book The Secret. The Secret annoys me because I feel like it gives a flimsy prescription for major life dilemmas - and presents itself as a complete answer. To feel something negative, then just try to swap it out for something positive in order to avoid attracting more negative just seems wimpy (and often frustratingly impossible). Why do we need to constantly judge whether what's happening is good or bad? Why can't we work towards an overall sense of acceptance of all that happens in the human experience instead of attempting to mentally control and manipulate everything to suit our moods?

But then it struck me that this choice to train for a marathon is an act of Pratipaksa Bhavanam in and of itself. Life was feeling kind of sucky so it seemed like a good idea to do something different, something opposite, in order to feel better - feel more alive. Just instead of trying to cultivate opposite thoughts, I've chosen to physicalize this attempt at positive change and the result, so far, has been an overall improvement of mood, a more sunshiny outlook. So maybe that's what any new choice in life is about... taking different action so we don't become living examples of the definition of insanity.

Now I have two days off training. Going to Park City for the end of Sundance. Then back at it Sunday with my first "long run": 6 miles. Dude.

Training Day 2 of 71: Hills and Mountain Pose

2010-01-27T11:12:00.000-08:00

Today for my scheduled three mile run I chose to make it a hill day. Apparently training on hills is necessary, especially if your marathon is hilly (which the Burlington City Marathon is). I decided to take on Runyon Canyon in West Hollywood (view from the top in the photo).

After two weeks of rain in Los Angeles, Runyon Canyon was lush and green - almost tropical feeling. I jogged very slowly on the steady incline, trudging past weimeraners and pit bulls with well-groomed owners. While running uphill it seems especially easy to lose one's form. As exertion sets in, in an effort to just keep going sometimes I notice myself starting to flail around a little bit and sink into my hips. Today when this began happening I focused my attention on the alignment of Tadasana, or Mountain Pose, in yoga.

In Tadasana you are standing straight upright with your arms at your sides. Tailbone draws down, while the inner thighs rotate back (these opposing actions stabilize the pelvis). Shoulder blades melt down and into the back, while the front ribs soften. Collar bones are wide, and the crown of the head elongates straight up towards the heavens. With proper alignment, all the joints work correctly and the breath has the clearest passage and most space possible. Focusing on the alignment helped to keep my mind off the exertion. Also, it was nice to have the dual experience of running up a small mountain, while trying to find the mountain pose in my body.

While jogging back down I was filled with gratitude for the beautiful morning and greenness all around and the unfolding day. After the run I went to a fairly intense vinyasa flow class at Golden Bridge Yoga with my new favorite teacher Kate and I must say, that hill training made my asana practice way more bad-ass. And all the hip and hamstring stretching/opening was exceptionally delicious after their hard work on the run. 2 down, 69 to go.

First Day of Training (and Blogging)

2010-01-26T09:23:00.000-08:00

This past fall I was overcome with the feeling that I have done little of significance with my life. Yes, I've graduated from college, held down several jobs, and completed various artistic projects. But in general there seems to be a ceiling on my existence. A ceiling which I bump up against, then helplessly float back down from, never breaking through. I do not know what a breakthrough would look or feel like but I do sense that it will not happen if I try to think my way there. There must be some sort of action that could begin to crack this mental calcification. So I have decided to run a yogic marathon.

Over the past three years yoga has become a major part of my life. It started small, with short classes full of seniors where I rarely broke a sweat, and then grew into taking a teacher training course, and now teaching some of my own classes. Through my practice small miracles have occurred. As my hamstrings have become more flexible, so has my mind. As my core has become stronger, so has my sense of compassion. As I have had to be accountable to exactly what's happening with my body each time I'm on the mat, I have come to more naturally accept what is happening in any off-mat situation I might find myself. Basically, I have realized that what I experience physically transfers directly to the mental/emotional dimension.

For these past three years I have not engaged in any other regular exercise besides yoga, as other types of workouts usually just remind me of all the years I have worked out for the purpose of 'looking good' - which is really depressing. But last fall I couldn't help but wonder what running a marathon would do to my mind; what cracks it might create in my idea myself and reality at large. So I have decided to give it a shot.

The marathon I aiming for is on May 30th, the Burlington City Marathon in my home state of Vermont. This is in four and a half months. Today was my official first day of training (3 miles down and back a residential street in Beverly Hills) I will bookend each of my runs with yoga. 10 minutes before, 20 minutes after. And I will also cross-train for strength and endurance by taking yoga classes. As I continue my training I plan to update this blog with observations on how yoga and running interrelate and how approaching the training as a yogic "practice" shapes the experience overall. I really hope I make it.